September 19, 2011

Wow, I haven't written anything in a REALLY long time. Not a single word. Well I guess I should get on with it then...

If you haven't kept up with me much, then you might not know that I have been living in Elbasan Albania since March. It has been a wild ride to say the least. I stepped out to pursue a dream and what I have always considered a calling. Sometimes, things are not easy. The truth is that any time you start to walk a new path in life, you will come against challenges you have never faced before. I have been there, done that and got the t-shirt. That's not to say everything is bad. I would have to say, actually, that the majority of the time I feel so blessed.

Every morning I get to wake up. Not only that, but I get to wake up in a nation that I absolutely love, where the land AND the people are beautiful. When I say the people are beautiful, I'm not really talking about appearance. There is something so basically human about the fact that, even if you are a stranger passing through their village, the people will always ask you to come to their house for a visit and a drink, if not a meal and to stay the night. It is almost completely offensive to not say hello to someone you know as you walk down the street, which might sound difficult, but in the end is very respectful and relational in my eyes. What a lovely people who will love one another so much as to go out of their way, even if they are late for work, just to greet me.

For years and years I dreamed of living this life. It was almost painful to live life the way I was back home. 9-5 in my meaningless job, going nowhere in a large company. Coming home, eating dinner, checking Facebook and once in a while having some hang out time with my friends was just not cutting it for me. Its not that my friends and family didn't make me happy, and its not that I don't have the deepest love for all of them (even if they don't believe me). Its just that every day I would wake up to a meaningless life, knowing I was created to do something different. It was an impossible way to live.

I remember coming on "short term" missions trips and after two weeks I would have to leave the land that I love and go back home. I remember sitting in the back of a car on the way to the airport, on several occasions, sobbing silently as I knew that I was doing the wrong thing by leaving. Since I was eight years old, I knew I was called to this nation, before I had even had an opportunity to set my own eyes on the land. God had a plan for me, a masterpiece painting of what my life could be, if I live in His will as a Christian. I see this masterful painting unfolding every day before my eyes. I feel like my life in America was on "pause" while I got older and older with nothing to really show for myself. Now that I am here living in Elbasan, I feel like God has really pressed the "Play" button.

As I said in the beginning, it has not all been easy. When you set out to be a better Christian and to live a radical life, God will always begin to show you areas of your life in which you can grow in and be better in. It is not always easy to have a light shone on the dark spots of a spirit. The secret, hidden pains made aware and anew. The bandaids from old hurts not dealt with ripped off and wounds re-exposed. Its not all easy, but it is all worth it.

See, what I have learned from all this so far, is that if I hadn't begun to deal with all the hurts in my own life, I would never be able to minister effectively to the street kids I love with all my heart, who are kicked out of their own houses and told not to come home until they have begged a certain amount of money. I also would not be able to minister in the correct way to the girl who is now leaving for college in a new and big European city. I would never have been able to give her the right advice at the right time, because it would have been from my mouth rather than the heart of God speaking through me.

Sometimes change is unbearable. Sometimes change is the hardest thing to deal with. Sometimes change can break a person. Thankfully, the path of change that God has laid out for me has been safe, even though I have had to face the refiners flame now and again. I am happy to say that I am doing well here in Elbasan, and I do not plan on coming home (other than for visits) or giving up on this mission any time soon. I want to thank all the people out there who have supported me with your prayers, finances or kind words. Every little word of encouragement, prayer and conversation mean more to me than you will ever know.

If you learn anything from this tonight, I would want it to be that you should take that leap of faith. Do what challenges you. Go where God calls you. Face your fears. If you don't you will never be able to fully experience the life that God intended for you.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't all about doing the right thing in the right way at the right time. It is about relationship with your Heavenly Father. Real relationship, not just church. Its about knowing Him and loving Him so much that you no longer WANT to sin. Its about being so intertwined with His desires that you don't have any problem resisting temptation, because you know the relationship He has with you is worth more than any affair or drug could bring you.

Take this one for free: Try Jesus. You will like Him.

Let Him melt the icy walls inside your heart. Let Him expose your hurts so He can bring restoration and healing. Lean on Him to bring you accountability so that you don't have to go through life alone.

Thanks for reading,

Julie