April 5, 2010

WOW! It has been FOREVER since I have blogged. Shame on me!

So how do I condense all that has happened into one meaningful blog?? Maybe I can't, but I will try. Here we go:

Since you've last read this blog I have had SOOO much going on. I felt at times that my head was going to overflow with stuff and brain would start to ooze out my ears or something. Gross, I know. In the days that I have been penless (or keyboardless??) I have laughed harder than ever and I have cried harder than ever. Its like I have lived a full lifetime in about 15 days. Weird huh?

I absolutely love my life, and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but sometimes I feel pain, from things that are happening or because I feel like old wounds have been ripped open. I had a little get together for my birthday, and none of my family was able to come for various reasons. Its ok, they are around for other things.

As I have gone through my life, for reasons some people will never understand, I have always searched for family to surround me. For a LONG LONG time, I found that at my church. Well, a couple of years ago when a bunch of weird stuff happened, that family kind of got torn away from me. In the years since that happened I have (finally) been able to find myself and move on. I am a part of a church I LOVE and I am so happy to form a new kind of family with them.

Because of this and many other things, I think I take situations WAY too seriously sometimes. For example, when I say that the people who surround me are the MOST important thing in my life, I mean it. The other day I was driving around town getting things accomplished before heading out to my birthday party. I was TOTALLY psyched because A LOT of people I cared about were going to be there.

So, as I was driving out to the hospital to see my friend who was in the hospital preparing to have brain surgery, I got about 10 phone calls/emails right in a row. They were ALL cancelling on me for my party. At this point I had bought the cakes and everything, all I had to do was show up, so it was kind of hard to deal with, but the most difficult part was the fact that once I finished taking all these calls I realized that NONE of the people from my new church were going to be there. This CRUSHED me. I literally drove around for THREE HOURS crying my head off. I am SUCH a cry baby. I ended up calling off my hospital visit, putting on my fake happy face and going to the party.

Thankfully I was very quickly reminded of all the people in my life who DID show up to help celebrate with me. I am so thankful for all my friends! I ended up having a good time... NO.. a GREAT time, and apologizing to people I may have been rude to when they cancelled on me. AND GUESS WHAT??? Even though they were late, two people from my church DID end up showing up! I was so thrilled. Thank you to Kennedie and her mom for coming out. I literally had tears in my eyes as I hugged them and welcomed them. I am SURE they thought I had lost my mind, but it meant more to me than they will ever know!

Sometimes I have to learn how to not be a brat! I am so mad at myself for ever being so upset. Do you ever get that way, or am I the only one in the world who is so ridiculously hard on them selves that they get mad at themselves for being mad in the first place? Haha, I know that is hard to follow, but thats what I do.

I am writing this not only to vent, but to remind myself to be thankful in every situation. Its not fair for me to act bratty towards others just because I don't get what I want. I still have a lot to learn, but I know one thing... I will build a new family at my wonderful church, and though it may be hard, it will be WELL worth it!

Sorry this blog sort of rambled on and on and on, but I had to get some stuff out there. OH, and FYI the friend who had brain surgery came out of it beautifully today and is already looking better! Praise God for doctors!

Love you all!

J