6-29-2011

Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. ~Emily Bronte

We were introduced at the unlikely age of 8, by a source even more unlikely, our brothers who shared a Kindergarten class.

I hated you at first, because you were mean like my older brother and you thought it was funny when you spilled your water all over me.

We rode bikes together. We crashed bikes together. We fixed bikes together.

You once threw my bike in the road because you were mad at me. In return for your actions, I punched you in the face so hard that I knocked your retainer straight out of your mouth.

We rode in the bed of your dad's pickup truck together.

We laughed together at your little brother who pronounced it PEEEcup.

I beat you up when you made fun of my little brother.

We went to the free family swim nights at the local pool cause neither of our families could afford to pay to go during the day.

You once hit me in the head with a baseball bat.

I stole your Will Clark autographed baseball. I still have it, just in case you were wondering.

I loved your grandma as my own, and I still give her huge hugs when I see her.

We raised a puppy together. Even though Spike lived at my house, he was "our" dog.

I am still convinced that we made up 90% of the "Yo Momma" jokes out there.

We played backyard baseball together at least one hundred thousand times. I am so sure of that number that I would put money on it.

I'm pretty sure you still owe me over $100 for a few games of "PIG" we bet on.

We used to build bike ramps in your back yard.

Together, we threw footballs through the spokes of our brothers bikes while they were riding, and then laughed uncontrollably as they tumbled off in a wrecked mess.

We wrote books about imaginary adventures running away from home in the alley with our dogs.

We walked miles to the mall in blistering heat.

We lived through our family and parent issues together. I'm still kind of amazed we survived.

You gave me my first ever Valentine's gift, and I was so embarrassed that I gave it back to you.

Only you and I know what's funny about that old lady in IHOP.

We built "forts" made of plywood and old dump truck tires in both your back yard and in mine.

Every time I hear the song "Sweet Home Alabama", or watch the movie, I think of you.

We fought and made up at least 10 times over the years.

We smoked Marlboro's together, but only I could buy them cause I looked older.

We made movies about tornadoes and a music video to "Gangsta's Paradise".

We jumped over Mrs. Davis' bushes till she chewed us out so bad she nearly had a heart attack.

We (pardon the terrible expression) nigger knocked on crazy old Mrs. Stone's door more times than I can count.

We raked our neighbors leaves for money.

We set...uh...things... on fire.

We ran from weeble wobbles who could jumps fences, and then blamed it all on Ryan Thomas when we got caught.

We had the MOC club.

We raced each other in our first cars until you nearly plummeted into the back of a freaking cop.

We fixed our cars together.

You always helped me rotate my tires.

We worked at Chick-fil-a together.

We spray painted graffiti all over the sheds in your back yard.

We went to Kreamie Kream with our families almost every single day.

Your mom took me and my brother in while my dad was in the hospital, and my mom took you and your brothers while your mom was in the hospital.

I always knew that the things your mom said about you, and to you, were wrong. You are better than she could have ever wished for and you must realize that.

You taught me what a hushpuppy was.

We spent countless hours doing nothing productive in Walmart.

You came to church with me all the time. I loved that.

We loved each other in every way possible.

We knew each other in ways that we didn't even know ourselves.

I bought you your first suit, you gave me my first kiss.

When your dad died, I felt like I had lost a father of my own, and I felt every moment of your pain. The $200 big red roses at the funeral were from me.

I always knew that you deserved more credit than you would ever give yourself.

I wish you could love yourself the way I loved you.

In the end, my life has changed a lot, and I have to move on.

So, I am saying goodbye. Not just for now, but goodbye.

I cannot afford to have you in my life any longer.

I cannot wait for you more than I wait on God.

I pray that all of His goodness finds you, and that you feel accepted by a loving and real Heavenly Father.

I pray that you are happy.

That is all I can do.

I am letting go.

June 12, 2011

Let me just preface this entire blog by saying that I am a prisoner of Hope. Forever I am bound to God, always knowing that what He has ordered is what is right and that His timing, no matter what man says or what I feel, is always absolutely perfect.

Today I am writing about the situation I am currently facing and the Passion that dwells within my heart. I posted a blog the other day (that I have since removed from FB) about my "official announcement" that I will be staying here in Albania permanently. While that remains 100% true, I need to let you know what circumstance I am facing at the moment. Since I posted that blog, it seems an issue has come up with my visa. I am working day and night to fix it and am spending endless amounts of cash to overnight DHL documents. However, being that time is sensitive and my current visa will run out soon, I may be forced to return home for 90 days. I am praying that this will not be the case, and I am working on it in every way possible, however I am bracing for either outcome, good or bad.

I know God has called me to Albania, and while this roadblock is disappointing, I know that I will be back. I know I am called to touch a generation. I think back to when I was in high school and my friends who were attending a church meeting for youth were shot mercilessly at the hands of a crazed man. I think about how I feel every time I see the news of another shooting on the news. It troubles my heart in a way that few can understand. Why does wickedness always seem to chase after the next generation? I know that the devil wants to wipe out potential Godliness and change in future leaders.

I will not stand for it.

I cannot guarantee what will happen to any young person I know, however I can guarantee that they know Jesus as soon as possible and in a real way. I can guarantee that they move to touch their generation for Him RIGHT NOW, instead of waiting. I can guarantee that God has a definite plan for them. I can guarantee that as long as I have breath in me, they will know this.

Even if this visa speed bump becomes more of a road block, I know that the road will not be blocked forever. I will continue on the path that God has set before me, even if it is more difficult that I would like.

Please keep this situation lifted up in your prayers.

Thanks for reading!

Julie

June 8 2011

Big dreams, small dreams or no dreams... all will cost you the same: Your entire life.

For more years than I could really explain I have known that God had a big plan for me. Of course at certain points I knew for sure He would use me as a roller blading champion or as a rock star, but in the end what matters is that I knew He had something in mind for me. As I sit here, in Elbasan Albania, I think back to being a little girl sitting in a church pew hearing about how great missionaries were touching the world in their own way. My pastors were doing an enormous work right here in Albania and one of my favorite people in the world, Wil Ramsey, was traveling the globe with his job and ministering in every city he landed in. I remember his stories of secret churches in Egypt making my insides flip flop. I knew God had something for me to do.

So without further ado I will make an official announcement. As of tomorrow I will officially be a planted missionary here in Elbasan.

A lot of different emotions float through me as this dream finally begins to come to pass, but the one that is by far the strongest is thankfulness. I am thankful to God for taking a messed up teenager who was less than average and making me into someone He is proud of. That in itself is huge, and if nothing else would be enough to sustain me forever. However, I must take a moment to thank the people who have been instrumental in getting me on path to follow this calling.

First of all, there is a man named Allen Shook. Not only did this man raise me up under his pastorship for almost 15 years, but he took me in as a part of his family, when that is what I needed in a huge way. I am so thankful for all the hard work I saw this man pour out over a lifetime. I am thankful that he paved the way for me and hundreds of other missionaries and humanitarian aide workers to come into the nation of Albania. I am thankful for the spiritual things his leadership has taught me over the years. I am thankful for the financial wisdom I learned from watching him make decisions. I am thankful that he came to rescue me and his daughter when we wrecked his car on ice. I am thankful that he taught me how to drive a manual shift car. Most of all, I am thankful that he calls me "kid" and I call him "Pops". He means more to me than he will ever know. Love you Pops.

While I am on the subject of pastors, I will also express my thankfulness towards Brian Jacobs. When I came to Metroplex Family Church, I was wounded and broken by other church experiences. I though what I needed to do was to dive in and volunteer in the first place that I saw a need within the church. However many times, when I inquired about how I could serve, I was told by Pastor Brian that I needed to decide what area I would LIKE to work in. This threw me for a loop. I had never been in a church that wouldn't put someone to work. It frustrated me in a huge way, but in the end it also forced me to reconnect with God rather than just doing "His work" within the church. Because of this, I am able to say I am living out my dream and my calling (they will be the same if they are from God). Thank you Pastor Brian for all you do every day for your church. Your sweat, tears and fervent prayers do not go unnoticed.

I have to also say that I am thankful for my family and friends who have always supported me, even though I know sometimes they didn't exactly understand my passion. I have come to realize that only I can truly understand the unique call God has placed on my life. My friends have always been so awesome, seeing me through the good times and the tears along the way. A big shout out to all the Musketeers. Gloria, Michelle, Amy (in that order) I LOVE YOU! There are not enough words in the English language to convey the way I feel about you all. Love is the only word I can even come up with at the moment. Love you all. ~#4

Now I must come to the part of the blog that I will admit is the reason I began to think about writing on this particular topic. I have been so blessed along my journey to have met a great friend who has paved the way for me in ways that she will never realize. I know that our connection is from God, simply because of the way we met. You see this friendship is unique in that I am obviously American while she is from South Africa. The best part about it is that we met in Elbasan, Albania, the place where God had lead us both to by the heart. I met Kerri Nixon through a mutual friend. She was in Albania for a short missions trip, as was I, when we met at a local ice cream shop with a group of foreign missionaries. We just so happened to sit at the same table, got to talking and ended up hitting it off. We immediately realized we had the same passion and had had many of the same or similar experience regarding getting to Albania and trying to stay long term. We chatted for a while that night, had a quick shopping trip together the next day and that was the last time we saw each other for a very long time.

Years went by and eventually Kerri and I found each other on Facebook. Thank God for technology! We ended up swapping Skype addresses and for a couple of years we chatted. I made one other visit to Albania during this time, and got to spend a little time with Kerri, who had ended up moving to Elbasan permanently. As I planned for the trip I am currently on, I knew I would be spending some major time with Kerri, as our Skype friendship had grown so much over the years. I just had no idea how much time I would be spending with her, or how much she would help me.

It just so happens that upon deciding to permanently move to Albania I ended up being roommates with Kerri. Since I have made the move, I cannot describe how much our friendship has grown. We have gotten to a great place where we can tease each other to no end. That, however, is not even close to the best part of it all. Kerri has been so supportive of me in making the permanent move. She has supported me in ways that no one else could, because she knows exactly what I am experiencing as I transition. Today she walked all around town in ridiculous heat to make sure I had all my visa paperwork properly notarized and ready to hand in to the government.

In all honesty as I sit here, with her right by me in the living room, completely clueless that I am writing about her as we listen to a song that says:


"Ask and I'll give the nations to you. Oh Lord that's the cry of my heart. Distant shores and the islands will see your light as it rises on us."

I cannot think of a way to say thank you enough for all her support and friendship on this trip and over all the years. God brought together two of the most unlikely people with two very different personalities to touch the same nation with the same love of from the same Heavenly Father. It is amazing what God can do.

To Allen, Brian, Kerri, my friends and family: Thank you for supporting my calling. Thank you for holding my hand on the path to fulfilling my calling. My words cannot convey what all of you mean to me.

Thanks for reading!

Julie




PS- If you would like to partner with me in this mission to Albania, contact me @ julieshelley@gmail.com