Dear Jesus,
I come to You today as a dirty rotten sinner who is thankful for Your amazing grace to save and Your never ending cleansing blood. I am a person who will always be without perfection, but You continually forgive me and love me. On top of that, You inspire me to move forward, and open doors for me, lighting my path as I take each step.
I want to apologize to You on behalf of Your people as a whole. You see, as You know, I work at a great job that provides finances to meet all my needs. As I go about my day to day business at this job, I see people of every kind. Some are hurting physically. Some are hurting emotionally. Some are hurting spiritual. Sometimes I can tell the difference between the different kinds of hurt. Sometimes, I am blinded by my carelessness.
Today, as I was working, a young lady approached the pharmacy and asked for a drug called "Plan B". She was upset and embarrassed and just wanted to buy the drug and leave. You see, Lord, "Plan B" is a drug designed to help a lady rid herself of a possible pregnancy.
God, as I understand it, life is a gift from You, and one of infinite possibilities. I would hate to throw away any gift that came straight from Your very hands. It seems to me the most unfathomable slap directly in Your face. However, Lord, it gets worse. I am sorry to say that we as a people have decided that it is ok for this girl to rid herself of a baby, if she thinks it will be for the best. In our society, it is not only socially acceptable, but completely lawful for her to do this. This girl does not end the life that You give. We as a society choose to have all of our hands on it.
Sure there are protests and demonstrations against such things, but apparently we have not done enough.
Jesus, I pray this to you today because my job does not allow me to stop her. My job does not even allow me to get to know her or try to just listen to her story. My job requires that I sell her the drug, and go on to other things. I pray this to You today, God, because the only thing I can do is pray... but then again, maybe it should have been the first things I did, instead of a last resort. Forgive me for that, and grant me wisdom in this day and age I live in. More so than ever, today I am thankful just that I am ALIVE. I know You put me here for a reason, and for that alone I am thankful.
Luke 23:34- Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tonight as I was making my usual rounds, going to pick up kids for church, I realized that my old church building had been knocked down. This really set off some emotions in me. Even though I have been gone from that church for two years, it brought up some very real hurt from the past.
I continued on with my duties, picked up all the kids and went to church. It just so happens that the message tonight was on "hurt". What a topic to speak on, right? I sat in the back, alone and with tears streaming down my face. I asked God to do something big for me tonight. I needed to see him move. I was tired of hurting.
Well, I left that service still feeling a little down, but I promised to take the kids out to eat afterwards, so we all went to Chick-Fil-A, on me. On the way home from the restaurant, instead of listening to music, we played a little "ice breaker" type game. Each person got to choose anyone they wanted and then ask that person any question of their choice. It was a getting-to-know-you thing.
As the game progressed, one of the kids was asked what one person had had the most influence on her life. Her answer went like this, "Well I used to be a very different person, and it wasn't good. I would have to say that the person who has helped me change the most is Julie. She is always there to take me to church and stuff, and I have changed a lot because of that."
Oh my goodness. After all the pain and hurt and struggling and fighting to make things right after being done VERY wrong at my last church, I felt like it was all worth it. Every minute of my pain is worth that one sentence. Every single kid who I have seen struggle, and struggled with to fight through life's tough times was all validated in that one sentence.
In a instant, God took my mourning and hurt and turned my tears into tears of joy.
I am so blessed to be living the life that God has called me to. A few weeks ago, I made a promise to God that in 2011 I would give it all up and live my life completely in the calling He has given me. I promised Him that I would live the dreams He created in me. I feel like after tonight he said, "Scratch 2011, lets start right now."
Today in a post on Facebook I made the statement that I was the most unlucky person ever because my brother got to meet my favorite baseball player ever. I want to retract that and replace it with this: I am the luckiest person alive. I am only 25 years old and I am seeing my dreams come to pass left and right. I am so honored to live my life for God. I always knew that I would serve Him in a special way.
I remember one time, when I was about 10 or 11, I was standing outside the front of my church, looking towards Downtown Fort Worth. I pointed at the city and spoke to the people I could not see. I told them that if I had my way, they would all be coming to God soon, and they would know His true love. I told them that they could run but they couldn't hide and that I would find a way to touch their lives for God. I stopped talking when I got caught by one of the adults in the church, and embarrassed I walked away.
Today, I feel like that dream of touching people for Him has become a reality in my life. I really am so blessed to serve Him. There are no words to describe what tonight has meant to me. Thank you Jonathan for an outstanding message, thank you Pastor Brian Jacobs for giving me a new family at MFC, and thanks to the kids who put up with me week after week, even if I am hard on them from time to time. Thank you God for touching my life in the way You have. I pray that I will be open to be used by You every single day. All of You, none of me.
Thanks for reading!
Julie
I continued on with my duties, picked up all the kids and went to church. It just so happens that the message tonight was on "hurt". What a topic to speak on, right? I sat in the back, alone and with tears streaming down my face. I asked God to do something big for me tonight. I needed to see him move. I was tired of hurting.
Well, I left that service still feeling a little down, but I promised to take the kids out to eat afterwards, so we all went to Chick-Fil-A, on me. On the way home from the restaurant, instead of listening to music, we played a little "ice breaker" type game. Each person got to choose anyone they wanted and then ask that person any question of their choice. It was a getting-to-know-you thing.
As the game progressed, one of the kids was asked what one person had had the most influence on her life. Her answer went like this, "Well I used to be a very different person, and it wasn't good. I would have to say that the person who has helped me change the most is Julie. She is always there to take me to church and stuff, and I have changed a lot because of that."
Oh my goodness. After all the pain and hurt and struggling and fighting to make things right after being done VERY wrong at my last church, I felt like it was all worth it. Every minute of my pain is worth that one sentence. Every single kid who I have seen struggle, and struggled with to fight through life's tough times was all validated in that one sentence.
In a instant, God took my mourning and hurt and turned my tears into tears of joy.
I am so blessed to be living the life that God has called me to. A few weeks ago, I made a promise to God that in 2011 I would give it all up and live my life completely in the calling He has given me. I promised Him that I would live the dreams He created in me. I feel like after tonight he said, "Scratch 2011, lets start right now."
Today in a post on Facebook I made the statement that I was the most unlucky person ever because my brother got to meet my favorite baseball player ever. I want to retract that and replace it with this: I am the luckiest person alive. I am only 25 years old and I am seeing my dreams come to pass left and right. I am so honored to live my life for God. I always knew that I would serve Him in a special way.
I remember one time, when I was about 10 or 11, I was standing outside the front of my church, looking towards Downtown Fort Worth. I pointed at the city and spoke to the people I could not see. I told them that if I had my way, they would all be coming to God soon, and they would know His true love. I told them that they could run but they couldn't hide and that I would find a way to touch their lives for God. I stopped talking when I got caught by one of the adults in the church, and embarrassed I walked away.
Today, I feel like that dream of touching people for Him has become a reality in my life. I really am so blessed to serve Him. There are no words to describe what tonight has meant to me. Thank you Jonathan for an outstanding message, thank you Pastor Brian Jacobs for giving me a new family at MFC, and thanks to the kids who put up with me week after week, even if I am hard on them from time to time. Thank you God for touching my life in the way You have. I pray that I will be open to be used by You every single day. All of You, none of me.
Thanks for reading!
Julie
Sunday, November 21, 2010
11-21-2010
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. ~Mark Twain
On my journey of life, I seem to be learning something new every day. Today, I learned a little about pride and a lot about what my new church family means to me.
I have come through the hardest part of my life and I am so happy to say that tonight, for the first time, I truly am looking back from the other side of it all. Sometimes, when something happens that shatters your entire life, it takes a while to find all the pieces and put them back together. Tonight I realized that, sometimes, God helps us to find new pieces that fit us even better than the old ones we lost.
Two years ago, I tried out a new church for the first time since I was 8 years old. It was a whole new world to me. Luckily, I already knew a few people at this church, and I felt like it was a good place for me to be. I knew God was telling me to go there, and I quickly dove right in. I immediately volunteered to help in any way possible, and was promptly given the responsibility of running the sound system for our Wednesday night youth services.
It was ok at first, but I quickly began to feel uncomfortable with the responsibility. I felt weighed down, and ultimately I was very scared that I would get myself involved at this church, in the way I was so deeply involved at my last one, and that, in the end, I would be hurt again. So, I ended up resigning from my volunteer position. After that I was embarrassed by the fact that I went back on my word and bailed on my commitment, so I stopped going to that church. For a long time I didn't go to church at all. I was a broken person, and I didn't know what to do.
Eventually, after trying out a few different churches around town, I KNEW that I needed to go back to the church I left from so embarrassed. So, I wrote the youth leader an email, and tried my best to explain my reasoning behind everything. Thankfully, he was fully understanding and I started fresh again at that church, determined to do nothing but warm a seat and find myself in God once again.
It has been over a year that I have been back at Metroplex Family Church and I am so happy that God lead me there. For a long time, all I did was attend service, warming the seat closest to the back door every single Sunday morning. However, as I am sure I am destined to forever do, I eventually got involved with the youth ministry.
Tonight, as I was on my way to a youth game night, I stopped at a Quick Trip to get some gas. I turned my car off, leaving the key in the ignition, and before I realized it, locked and closed my door. GREAT. Locked out of my car. To top it all off, the key locked in the ignition was my SPARE, as I had recently lost my original and haven't made another copy yet. Wonderful.
So, I called my dad, and when I realized he wouldn't be able to help me, I called my best friend. When she told me she didn't know exactly how she could help me either, I felt a little hopeless. I may have even teared up, but I am not going to fully admit that. =)
Finally, I decided to text the youth pastor, since I knew he would be heading out that way for the game night. A few minutes later, he and two youth came and rescued me by using a wire coat hanger to unlock my doors!
They have NO idea what this meant to me.
My last church was like family to me. I had known them all since childhood, and as I made the transition to this new church, I must admit, it has been very difficult for me to make friends. Maybe it is my own fault for being closed off, but either way, I have CRAVED the family feeling I have always known. At times, I have considered trying out a different church, certain that it CAN'T be this hard to form relationships everywhere...
Tonight I learned that the people at my church DO care for me and do work as a part of the Body of Christ by helping one another out in every day, REAL life ways. I am thankful for this knowledge and these relationships. It seems like the one thing that I have been missing for the past two years has finally found me again.
The people in my life mean EVERYTHING to me, and I am so thrilled to be a part of this church. Thanks, guys, for your help! It meant more to me than just saving on the expense of calling a locksmith.
What a night!
On my journey of life, I seem to be learning something new every day. Today, I learned a little about pride and a lot about what my new church family means to me.
I have come through the hardest part of my life and I am so happy to say that tonight, for the first time, I truly am looking back from the other side of it all. Sometimes, when something happens that shatters your entire life, it takes a while to find all the pieces and put them back together. Tonight I realized that, sometimes, God helps us to find new pieces that fit us even better than the old ones we lost.
Two years ago, I tried out a new church for the first time since I was 8 years old. It was a whole new world to me. Luckily, I already knew a few people at this church, and I felt like it was a good place for me to be. I knew God was telling me to go there, and I quickly dove right in. I immediately volunteered to help in any way possible, and was promptly given the responsibility of running the sound system for our Wednesday night youth services.
It was ok at first, but I quickly began to feel uncomfortable with the responsibility. I felt weighed down, and ultimately I was very scared that I would get myself involved at this church, in the way I was so deeply involved at my last one, and that, in the end, I would be hurt again. So, I ended up resigning from my volunteer position. After that I was embarrassed by the fact that I went back on my word and bailed on my commitment, so I stopped going to that church. For a long time I didn't go to church at all. I was a broken person, and I didn't know what to do.
Eventually, after trying out a few different churches around town, I KNEW that I needed to go back to the church I left from so embarrassed. So, I wrote the youth leader an email, and tried my best to explain my reasoning behind everything. Thankfully, he was fully understanding and I started fresh again at that church, determined to do nothing but warm a seat and find myself in God once again.
It has been over a year that I have been back at Metroplex Family Church and I am so happy that God lead me there. For a long time, all I did was attend service, warming the seat closest to the back door every single Sunday morning. However, as I am sure I am destined to forever do, I eventually got involved with the youth ministry.
Tonight, as I was on my way to a youth game night, I stopped at a Quick Trip to get some gas. I turned my car off, leaving the key in the ignition, and before I realized it, locked and closed my door. GREAT. Locked out of my car. To top it all off, the key locked in the ignition was my SPARE, as I had recently lost my original and haven't made another copy yet. Wonderful.
So, I called my dad, and when I realized he wouldn't be able to help me, I called my best friend. When she told me she didn't know exactly how she could help me either, I felt a little hopeless. I may have even teared up, but I am not going to fully admit that. =)
Finally, I decided to text the youth pastor, since I knew he would be heading out that way for the game night. A few minutes later, he and two youth came and rescued me by using a wire coat hanger to unlock my doors!
They have NO idea what this meant to me.
My last church was like family to me. I had known them all since childhood, and as I made the transition to this new church, I must admit, it has been very difficult for me to make friends. Maybe it is my own fault for being closed off, but either way, I have CRAVED the family feeling I have always known. At times, I have considered trying out a different church, certain that it CAN'T be this hard to form relationships everywhere...
Tonight I learned that the people at my church DO care for me and do work as a part of the Body of Christ by helping one another out in every day, REAL life ways. I am thankful for this knowledge and these relationships. It seems like the one thing that I have been missing for the past two years has finally found me again.
The people in my life mean EVERYTHING to me, and I am so thrilled to be a part of this church. Thanks, guys, for your help! It meant more to me than just saving on the expense of calling a locksmith.
What a night!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
11-20-2010
DEDICATED TO WAL~MART STORE 590...
Blessed are the people whose leaders can look destiny in the eye without flinching but also without attempting to play God...
~Henry A. Kissinger
Tonight, as I write this, I am utterly overwhelmed with the thought of how completely blessed I really am. This week has been one of great joy, great trial and great learning opportunities...
Two years ago, on November 22, 2008, I started my day off on what I thought was a brand new personal low. It was my first day at my new job at Wal~Mart. I was a sales floor associate in the Electronics department, and that wasn't bad, but it felt like utter failure after where I had just come from...
You see, for the two years prior to the Wal~Mart (the sguiggly is VERY important) employment, I was working and living in my absolute dream world. As a Bible school graduate, I felt that I was in the exact right place and with perfect timing when I became Media Director of a local church, whose Pastor I loved and grew up around. The work was stressful and crazy, but I loved it more than anything, and over time the Pastor and his family became like family to me. Maybe even more than some of my actual family. Life was good, and it seemed to only get better...
I didn't know I would be so called to Youth Ministry until, in utter desperation, they made me an assistant youth leader. I was scared to death of being judged by large quantities of teenagers, but soon found my groove and loved each and every second of it. My job was amazing, even though it was getting even more busy at the same time...
As a young child, I had always felt a strong calling on my life to be a missionary, and had even been on several overseas trips. In all the greatness going on as the church grew, I was given yet another title, and this one completed the package... my dream title: Missions Director. Wow. And even busier... Hmmm...
Eventually all the stress of never having a day off, and constantly dealing with meetings and commitments, I started to notice something. I wasn't the only person feeling this tension. It seemed that something wasn't quite right, and I would eventually be proven correct in my assumptions. The church eventually changed Pastors, changed its name, and all but completely shut down in my opinion. Somewhere in the midst of this, right before all the changing hands madness, I was let go...
It hurt bad enough to see the very church I poured my life into being changed in such ways, but losing my job in the manner I did crushed everything I ever thought I was or could be. I became a very, very broken person. I also found myself scrambling for a job...
As the broken person I was, all dreams seemingly thrown in the garbage can, I entered the secular job market in a very unique way. My first day at Wal~Mart felt like I had hit rock bottom. Was I really at the point where I had to work at WAL~MART??? What had become of my dreams? What had become of actually changing the world? What had become of who I was as a person? I had no idea who I was anymore...
I spent a long, long time feeling this way. Every day I would go into work and paint a big smile on my face all while acting like my insides were not slowly melting out. I didn't want anyone to know how much I had lost. I didn't want anyone to know me. I didn't know me. I don't think I WANTED to know me. Every single, solitary day was an extreme challenge for me...
Eventually I promoted out of the Electronics Dept. As I was talking with some of my former Electronics co workers, one named Natalie asked me this one simple question: "Why are you moving into a management position?". I did not hesitate to tell her that I felt like I HAD to make this move. I cried my eyes out and told her how I had fallen from what seemed like such a high place to what I considered to be a den of utter failure. Did this conversation solve my self esteem issues? No. But it did help me feel a little better and Natalie understood and sent me on with well wishes. I loved that girl...
A short stint as a Front End manager, overseeing all cashiers, door greeters, customer service, etc, and I met a wonderful manager named Leroy. I had seem him around the store before, but never really got to know him at all before this position. I got along well with him, and I still think he is one of the BEST managers I have ever seen in action. He quickly informed me that I would be a very good candidate for Department Manager in our store, and he even suggested I interview for Dept. Manager over the Pharmacy. I did, and for the past 10 months, that is what I have been doing. It was challenging, and in a way that caused me to grow by leaps and bounds as a manager and as a person...
Today, as I write this, I am reflecting on the fact that have again promoted, and will be starting a new job again this Monday (my 2 yr. anniversary with the company). Only this time it is a very different kind of promotion, as it is not only a promotion, but a transfer. I said goodbye to Wal~Mart store 590 yesterday, and in that instant realized something...
I am no longer that very, very broken person. Also, I know, without a doubt, that I came into this job with the wrong attitude. I learned this from saying goodbye over the last three days. Saying goodbye to a store of over 500 associates, many of which, became close friends. On Wednesday I said goodbye to Leroy, and I nearly cried, as he was just as encouraging as he has always been to me. I appreciate his leadership. He has done a lot for my career, and for that I will always be thankful. I hope to model a lot of my leadership after his...
On Thursday, I said goodbye to many more friends who would not be there on Friday, their day off. One of notable mention, is CSM Terri. She worked the front end with me for those short 4 months, and I always admired her dedicated hard work ethics and her easy going spirit. Those are two things that are difficult to mingle in one personality, but she does it well. There were many times where she would forget to be laid back, and it showed, but I think we all love her for that. After all Wal~Mart is Wal~Mart and it can certainly push a person to their limits...
On Friday, I said goodbye to all kinds of magnificent friends and I even had someone come up to me, hug me and tell me how much she would miss me. Too bad I had no idea who she was. Like I said, this is a store of over 500 employees. It happens...
I feel very blessed to be moving on to a new position in the company. I also feel very blessed to have been a part of the company to begin with, even though I had to learn a whole lot to begin to feel that way. You see, when one door closes, it is said that another one opens. If you are going through a hard time in your life, please know that there is still opportunity out there. You can STILL live you dreams. It is never too late. Am I living my dreams? I would say no, because apparently I am not fully living them out, but I have to say that also, in a way, I am. I am living in my dreams in that I am following a plan, with the help of Wally World, to set me up financially to be able to chase my dreams in a way I never could have imagined, even when I THOUGHT I was already living my dreams out. Never give up...
On Another Note: Of all the goodbyes I have said while working at Store 590, there is one that I will never forget, and I said it LONG before I said goodbye to everyone else. R.I.P Natalie. You will always be missed.
Also: If you are wondering why I ended every single paragraph with ... (multiple periods rather than the single definitive one)it is because I feel like this blog is the beginning of something, and that nothing I said is very definitive at all, nor has it come to any sort of end. The best is always yet to come...
Blessed are the people whose leaders can look destiny in the eye without flinching but also without attempting to play God...
~Henry A. Kissinger
Tonight, as I write this, I am utterly overwhelmed with the thought of how completely blessed I really am. This week has been one of great joy, great trial and great learning opportunities...
Two years ago, on November 22, 2008, I started my day off on what I thought was a brand new personal low. It was my first day at my new job at Wal~Mart. I was a sales floor associate in the Electronics department, and that wasn't bad, but it felt like utter failure after where I had just come from...
You see, for the two years prior to the Wal~Mart (the sguiggly is VERY important) employment, I was working and living in my absolute dream world. As a Bible school graduate, I felt that I was in the exact right place and with perfect timing when I became Media Director of a local church, whose Pastor I loved and grew up around. The work was stressful and crazy, but I loved it more than anything, and over time the Pastor and his family became like family to me. Maybe even more than some of my actual family. Life was good, and it seemed to only get better...
I didn't know I would be so called to Youth Ministry until, in utter desperation, they made me an assistant youth leader. I was scared to death of being judged by large quantities of teenagers, but soon found my groove and loved each and every second of it. My job was amazing, even though it was getting even more busy at the same time...
As a young child, I had always felt a strong calling on my life to be a missionary, and had even been on several overseas trips. In all the greatness going on as the church grew, I was given yet another title, and this one completed the package... my dream title: Missions Director. Wow. And even busier... Hmmm...
Eventually all the stress of never having a day off, and constantly dealing with meetings and commitments, I started to notice something. I wasn't the only person feeling this tension. It seemed that something wasn't quite right, and I would eventually be proven correct in my assumptions. The church eventually changed Pastors, changed its name, and all but completely shut down in my opinion. Somewhere in the midst of this, right before all the changing hands madness, I was let go...
It hurt bad enough to see the very church I poured my life into being changed in such ways, but losing my job in the manner I did crushed everything I ever thought I was or could be. I became a very, very broken person. I also found myself scrambling for a job...
As the broken person I was, all dreams seemingly thrown in the garbage can, I entered the secular job market in a very unique way. My first day at Wal~Mart felt like I had hit rock bottom. Was I really at the point where I had to work at WAL~MART??? What had become of my dreams? What had become of actually changing the world? What had become of who I was as a person? I had no idea who I was anymore...
I spent a long, long time feeling this way. Every day I would go into work and paint a big smile on my face all while acting like my insides were not slowly melting out. I didn't want anyone to know how much I had lost. I didn't want anyone to know me. I didn't know me. I don't think I WANTED to know me. Every single, solitary day was an extreme challenge for me...
Eventually I promoted out of the Electronics Dept. As I was talking with some of my former Electronics co workers, one named Natalie asked me this one simple question: "Why are you moving into a management position?". I did not hesitate to tell her that I felt like I HAD to make this move. I cried my eyes out and told her how I had fallen from what seemed like such a high place to what I considered to be a den of utter failure. Did this conversation solve my self esteem issues? No. But it did help me feel a little better and Natalie understood and sent me on with well wishes. I loved that girl...
A short stint as a Front End manager, overseeing all cashiers, door greeters, customer service, etc, and I met a wonderful manager named Leroy. I had seem him around the store before, but never really got to know him at all before this position. I got along well with him, and I still think he is one of the BEST managers I have ever seen in action. He quickly informed me that I would be a very good candidate for Department Manager in our store, and he even suggested I interview for Dept. Manager over the Pharmacy. I did, and for the past 10 months, that is what I have been doing. It was challenging, and in a way that caused me to grow by leaps and bounds as a manager and as a person...
Today, as I write this, I am reflecting on the fact that have again promoted, and will be starting a new job again this Monday (my 2 yr. anniversary with the company). Only this time it is a very different kind of promotion, as it is not only a promotion, but a transfer. I said goodbye to Wal~Mart store 590 yesterday, and in that instant realized something...
I am no longer that very, very broken person. Also, I know, without a doubt, that I came into this job with the wrong attitude. I learned this from saying goodbye over the last three days. Saying goodbye to a store of over 500 associates, many of which, became close friends. On Wednesday I said goodbye to Leroy, and I nearly cried, as he was just as encouraging as he has always been to me. I appreciate his leadership. He has done a lot for my career, and for that I will always be thankful. I hope to model a lot of my leadership after his...
On Thursday, I said goodbye to many more friends who would not be there on Friday, their day off. One of notable mention, is CSM Terri. She worked the front end with me for those short 4 months, and I always admired her dedicated hard work ethics and her easy going spirit. Those are two things that are difficult to mingle in one personality, but she does it well. There were many times where she would forget to be laid back, and it showed, but I think we all love her for that. After all Wal~Mart is Wal~Mart and it can certainly push a person to their limits...
On Friday, I said goodbye to all kinds of magnificent friends and I even had someone come up to me, hug me and tell me how much she would miss me. Too bad I had no idea who she was. Like I said, this is a store of over 500 employees. It happens...
I feel very blessed to be moving on to a new position in the company. I also feel very blessed to have been a part of the company to begin with, even though I had to learn a whole lot to begin to feel that way. You see, when one door closes, it is said that another one opens. If you are going through a hard time in your life, please know that there is still opportunity out there. You can STILL live you dreams. It is never too late. Am I living my dreams? I would say no, because apparently I am not fully living them out, but I have to say that also, in a way, I am. I am living in my dreams in that I am following a plan, with the help of Wally World, to set me up financially to be able to chase my dreams in a way I never could have imagined, even when I THOUGHT I was already living my dreams out. Never give up...
On Another Note: Of all the goodbyes I have said while working at Store 590, there is one that I will never forget, and I said it LONG before I said goodbye to everyone else. R.I.P Natalie. You will always be missed.
Also: If you are wondering why I ended every single paragraph with ... (multiple periods rather than the single definitive one)it is because I feel like this blog is the beginning of something, and that nothing I said is very definitive at all, nor has it come to any sort of end. The best is always yet to come...
Thursday, October 28, 2010
On A Happier Note...
Ok, so the Rangers just lost game 2 of the world series. I'd like to say that its great that we made it to the world series, but we just lost two in a row and I can't bring myself to be that big of a person right now.
On the lighter side of things, something amazing happened to me today. To tell the story right, I have to take you back to May of this year. It was Memorial Day and I was on my way to work. Just before 7am, I was about to round the last curve of the Weatherford traffic circle when two motorcycles in the lane in front of me ran into each other. They both fell off their bikes, one sliding into the grass, and the other bouncing like a rubber ball all over the road in front of me. I had to swerve quickly to avoid running over him, and to top it all off, I had to watch his head bust open as he was not wearing a helmet.
So, I pulled over and frantically called 911, knowing that I couldn't help this guy without medical assistance. By the time I have got an ambulance on the way and finally jump out of the car, there are already other witnesses on the scene and one man has taken off his tshirt and is compressing the head wound, holding it all together. It was a sickening sight that has made me nervous around motorcycles to this day. The ambulance and police finally arrived and I headed off to work, shook up, but nothing more I could really do to help.
I have had dreams about what I saw that day and as I drive past that spot on the way to work everyday, I still see the bloody mess in my mind. I have often times wondered whether or not the man lived. I guessed I would just never know, until today when he showed up on my doorstep.
It turns out that he had gotten the 911 call from the police and my contact info as well. He tracked me down and this afternoon stood in my front yard and told me, "I want to thank you for saving my life. Without your phone call I wouldn't have made it." He lost 3 pints of blood and had over 200 stitches in his head. He couldn't even sleep laying down for over a month because of the head trauma. He nearly died, and is very blessed to be alive today.
As I looked at his face, I felt such a strange feeling. It was so cool to experience a great outcome in a situation like this. I could see the scar running down the side of his head. He told me he is a minister and we talked for a while about that too. God watches over His faithful, and today, he gave me a great gift by having this man visit and let me now how it all turned out.
On the lighter side of things, something amazing happened to me today. To tell the story right, I have to take you back to May of this year. It was Memorial Day and I was on my way to work. Just before 7am, I was about to round the last curve of the Weatherford traffic circle when two motorcycles in the lane in front of me ran into each other. They both fell off their bikes, one sliding into the grass, and the other bouncing like a rubber ball all over the road in front of me. I had to swerve quickly to avoid running over him, and to top it all off, I had to watch his head bust open as he was not wearing a helmet.
So, I pulled over and frantically called 911, knowing that I couldn't help this guy without medical assistance. By the time I have got an ambulance on the way and finally jump out of the car, there are already other witnesses on the scene and one man has taken off his tshirt and is compressing the head wound, holding it all together. It was a sickening sight that has made me nervous around motorcycles to this day. The ambulance and police finally arrived and I headed off to work, shook up, but nothing more I could really do to help.
I have had dreams about what I saw that day and as I drive past that spot on the way to work everyday, I still see the bloody mess in my mind. I have often times wondered whether or not the man lived. I guessed I would just never know, until today when he showed up on my doorstep.
It turns out that he had gotten the 911 call from the police and my contact info as well. He tracked me down and this afternoon stood in my front yard and told me, "I want to thank you for saving my life. Without your phone call I wouldn't have made it." He lost 3 pints of blood and had over 200 stitches in his head. He couldn't even sleep laying down for over a month because of the head trauma. He nearly died, and is very blessed to be alive today.
As I looked at his face, I felt such a strange feeling. It was so cool to experience a great outcome in a situation like this. I could see the scar running down the side of his head. He told me he is a minister and we talked for a while about that too. God watches over His faithful, and today, he gave me a great gift by having this man visit and let me now how it all turned out.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
October 24, 2010
Sun beams race across a distant sky
I turn, its hurts me, blinking eyes
Flitting yellow butterflies yearn
For the time when they can learn
From all the troubles of humanity
The time shall come, we all will see
A desert bare with burdens dry
A tear is shed, we all must cry
The simple life we've yet to live
Abundant time there is to give
Yesterdy weaving away from all
Tomorrow looming, a silent wall
Lately I have had an uneasy type feeling. Sort of as if things are out of place, or as if maybe I am not accomplishing something I should. Last night, I lay awake in my bed at three in the morning thinking about it, and turning my troubles over and over and over again in my head.
I think of all the people in the world I encourage to succeed, the person I am the hardest on is, by far, myself. I am sitting in a place where I wonder why my Albanian aimed non profit is not growing in the ways I would like to see it grow. I wonder what I have done wrong, and why after trying again and again to generate interest, I seem to be at a stand still. I begin to wonder if I am doing the right thing. Should I renew the non profit this coming January, or just give it up for now.
All these things weigh on my head and I can't sleep, I can't function. I have even reorganized my priorities to no longer include as many social outputs, but more spiritual and personal time. None of this seemed to help.
Then I saw the real problem. It was me.
I am at a make or break point in my life and if I give now, today will only become yet another failing, breaking point. I MUST press on towards the goal, my prize being the One Who gave me breath. I must realize what is right in front of me now, and not what I feel like I am flailing after in my future.
Today I was privileged to bring a young girl to church who is a 20 year old mother of a 3, 2 and 1 year old. She has probably lived a tougher than normal life and needs to see the genuine love of Christ for her, regardless of her current circumstances. Luckily, I am a blessed person in that I attend a church that does just that: showing people Jesus without judgment. On the way home the girl asked me if she could come again some time. If that is not effective ministry, I don't know what is.
What I feel I am lacking in my overseas missions, God is certainly making up for by doing things here, and while I will not forget about those in Albania, I also will not forget about those suffering here at home, as I pursue my goals. Touching the lives of others, no matter where, is a true privilege and I hope I can continue to do just that, both here and abroad. All in due season.
I am thankful for what I have today, and although tomorrow may seem like a silent, looming wall, I will be thankful for where He is taking me in the future and I will walk the road to get there with pride in my Jesus.
I turn, its hurts me, blinking eyes
Flitting yellow butterflies yearn
For the time when they can learn
From all the troubles of humanity
The time shall come, we all will see
A desert bare with burdens dry
A tear is shed, we all must cry
The simple life we've yet to live
Abundant time there is to give
Yesterdy weaving away from all
Tomorrow looming, a silent wall
Lately I have had an uneasy type feeling. Sort of as if things are out of place, or as if maybe I am not accomplishing something I should. Last night, I lay awake in my bed at three in the morning thinking about it, and turning my troubles over and over and over again in my head.
I think of all the people in the world I encourage to succeed, the person I am the hardest on is, by far, myself. I am sitting in a place where I wonder why my Albanian aimed non profit is not growing in the ways I would like to see it grow. I wonder what I have done wrong, and why after trying again and again to generate interest, I seem to be at a stand still. I begin to wonder if I am doing the right thing. Should I renew the non profit this coming January, or just give it up for now.
All these things weigh on my head and I can't sleep, I can't function. I have even reorganized my priorities to no longer include as many social outputs, but more spiritual and personal time. None of this seemed to help.
Then I saw the real problem. It was me.
I am at a make or break point in my life and if I give now, today will only become yet another failing, breaking point. I MUST press on towards the goal, my prize being the One Who gave me breath. I must realize what is right in front of me now, and not what I feel like I am flailing after in my future.
Today I was privileged to bring a young girl to church who is a 20 year old mother of a 3, 2 and 1 year old. She has probably lived a tougher than normal life and needs to see the genuine love of Christ for her, regardless of her current circumstances. Luckily, I am a blessed person in that I attend a church that does just that: showing people Jesus without judgment. On the way home the girl asked me if she could come again some time. If that is not effective ministry, I don't know what is.
What I feel I am lacking in my overseas missions, God is certainly making up for by doing things here, and while I will not forget about those in Albania, I also will not forget about those suffering here at home, as I pursue my goals. Touching the lives of others, no matter where, is a true privilege and I hope I can continue to do just that, both here and abroad. All in due season.
I am thankful for what I have today, and although tomorrow may seem like a silent, looming wall, I will be thankful for where He is taking me in the future and I will walk the road to get there with pride in my Jesus.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
9-22-2010
Last week, one of my youth had a Starburst candy. I made a comment about how I LOVE Starburst. Today as I picked him up for service, he brought out a HUGE bag of them. He said, "I saw them in the store and thought of you".
I am in a place in my life right now where I am feeling so blessed and so entirely complete. It is incredible to be able to sit secure and in peace in Jesus.
This morning I was able to perform the first ever (to my knowledge) "See You At The Pole" prayer event out front of my place of employment. It is an incredible thing to be able to start your day out in prayer, covering your workplace and all things involved. To say the least, it set me on the right path for the entire day. I will not be moved. Work is a tough thing, but we MUST strive to be just as Christian in there as we are anywhere else. It is, after all, about an unending relationship with Jesus.
Last Wednesday night was a big anniversary of a terrible massacre in my past. If you are a frequent reader of my blog, you understand what I am talking about. Every year, as this anniversary comes around, I strive to find a way to rub my love relationship with Jesus right in the devil's face. I always feel like I want to stand on a mountain top and scream "I'm still here! You didn't take me out 11 years ago today, and you're not gonna win against me now either!!!" That very night I was able to not only bring 4 kids to church with me, but one of them is a kid who I have been asking to come with me for almost 2 years now. Before last week, he didn't even answer my calls/texts/FB posts/etc. This is the same one who brought me the Starburst this week. Life is great sometimes.
Things have only gotten better from there. Not only do I feel like I am making strides in my relationship with God day by day, but I know that the way I live is catching the attention of others. Tonight I brought 3 kids to church. One of them way the Starburst boy, the others were kids I have been working on every single week for months if not years. I am so thrilled that God is moving in a huge way right now. I am even more thrilled that He cares enough for me to know things that no one else could know, and He uses them to build me up. I am thrilled to stand up and say that, 11 years later, the devil STILL has not succeeded in taking me down. I am only growing in strength in Jesus day by day, and for that I am so thankful.
I only pray that you can begin to feel Jesus in the same way I do. Seek Him out. Wake up every day and ask Him to be a part of your life, again. I promise you will not be disappointed.
I am in a place in my life right now where I am feeling so blessed and so entirely complete. It is incredible to be able to sit secure and in peace in Jesus.
This morning I was able to perform the first ever (to my knowledge) "See You At The Pole" prayer event out front of my place of employment. It is an incredible thing to be able to start your day out in prayer, covering your workplace and all things involved. To say the least, it set me on the right path for the entire day. I will not be moved. Work is a tough thing, but we MUST strive to be just as Christian in there as we are anywhere else. It is, after all, about an unending relationship with Jesus.
Last Wednesday night was a big anniversary of a terrible massacre in my past. If you are a frequent reader of my blog, you understand what I am talking about. Every year, as this anniversary comes around, I strive to find a way to rub my love relationship with Jesus right in the devil's face. I always feel like I want to stand on a mountain top and scream "I'm still here! You didn't take me out 11 years ago today, and you're not gonna win against me now either!!!" That very night I was able to not only bring 4 kids to church with me, but one of them is a kid who I have been asking to come with me for almost 2 years now. Before last week, he didn't even answer my calls/texts/FB posts/etc. This is the same one who brought me the Starburst this week. Life is great sometimes.
Things have only gotten better from there. Not only do I feel like I am making strides in my relationship with God day by day, but I know that the way I live is catching the attention of others. Tonight I brought 3 kids to church. One of them way the Starburst boy, the others were kids I have been working on every single week for months if not years. I am so thrilled that God is moving in a huge way right now. I am even more thrilled that He cares enough for me to know things that no one else could know, and He uses them to build me up. I am thrilled to stand up and say that, 11 years later, the devil STILL has not succeeded in taking me down. I am only growing in strength in Jesus day by day, and for that I am so thankful.
I only pray that you can begin to feel Jesus in the same way I do. Seek Him out. Wake up every day and ask Him to be a part of your life, again. I promise you will not be disappointed.
Monday, September 6, 2010
9-6-2010
I was driving home from an errand tonight, when on the radio I hear a guy propose to his girlfriend and then dedicate Everything by Michael Bublé to her. Awwwwwwwww. Melt.
Anyway, I got to thinking about how sweet that was and how every girl is looking for a fairy tale story like that. I even had a couple of my youth texting and calling me this week for guy advice. I feel like I am hardly an expert in that area, given that I am single and 25 (and 5 months... today. Not that I'm counting), but I gave the best advice I could, and I am going to do the same here.
I look around at my friends and acquaintances and see so many girls getting messed up over the "men" in their lives. I use the term "men" very loosely. I am so sick of seeing the ladies in my life settle for less than they deserve.
Let me say this: If a guy you are seeing takes his concentration off of you for a moment, even to just consider the thought of another female, he is not worth your time. Girls, ladies, students... whoever you are... PLEASE realize your self worth. Ladies, you deserve a man who will stand up for what he believes in, first of all priorities being God, and secondly being his relationships. If he doesn't truely value the people already in his life, what makes you think he will value you any more. To add to that, if he can't sacrifice of himself for the God of the universe, what makes you think he will give of himself to better you?
I'm not saying all this to be mean or bitter, I am saying this to inspire you to respect yourself enough to choose someone who will treat you right. Take it from someone who has made the mistakes already, you do not want to make the wrong choice. Sure, love seems so fun at first, but use your head and I dare you to use your faith too. Seek the will of God in the situation. See if you have a true peace about having a future with this person.
How boring right? I know! But if it takes a few boring years right now while you (with God's help) select the right person its worth it, because your future will be much smoother... and may I say, it will NOT be boring. =)
Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for. Ladies, I urge you to focus on yourself and your future before diving into some intimate relationship with a guy. Find out who you are, what you want to be, how you really want to portray who you are. Educate yourself, reach out in your community, make a difference in someone's life. These things will build character and confidence in your life. You will begin to feel great in your own skin and you will know who you really are and where you want to take your life. Confidence is attractive to guys. They love a girl who knows what she wants.
Before you date someone seriously, learn to treat yourself how you would want to be treated. Guys will always follow your example. If you disrespect yourself, he will have no problem doing the same thing. And after all, all we want is a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T, right? Hahahahaha, ok, I couldn't resist.
Don't get me wrong, it will not always be easy. Sometimes, Mr. Wrong looks sooooo right. And sometimes Mr. Right looks all wrong. Even I have had my challenges. Its not like I can glance at a guy and know if he will be willing to put up with a person who struggles with medical issues. Would he be interested in being involved with someone who has to be cut open and operated on? Its not always easy, and we all have our issues, whatever they may be.
Ladies, if you take one thing away from this, please understand that God is your all-sustaining life support system. Without Him you have nothing- no direstion, no hope for a future, no true love. Let God be your Knight in Shining Armor, until He is ready to give you to the one He created for you.
Anyway, I got to thinking about how sweet that was and how every girl is looking for a fairy tale story like that. I even had a couple of my youth texting and calling me this week for guy advice. I feel like I am hardly an expert in that area, given that I am single and 25 (and 5 months... today. Not that I'm counting), but I gave the best advice I could, and I am going to do the same here.
I look around at my friends and acquaintances and see so many girls getting messed up over the "men" in their lives. I use the term "men" very loosely. I am so sick of seeing the ladies in my life settle for less than they deserve.
Let me say this: If a guy you are seeing takes his concentration off of you for a moment, even to just consider the thought of another female, he is not worth your time. Girls, ladies, students... whoever you are... PLEASE realize your self worth. Ladies, you deserve a man who will stand up for what he believes in, first of all priorities being God, and secondly being his relationships. If he doesn't truely value the people already in his life, what makes you think he will value you any more. To add to that, if he can't sacrifice of himself for the God of the universe, what makes you think he will give of himself to better you?
I'm not saying all this to be mean or bitter, I am saying this to inspire you to respect yourself enough to choose someone who will treat you right. Take it from someone who has made the mistakes already, you do not want to make the wrong choice. Sure, love seems so fun at first, but use your head and I dare you to use your faith too. Seek the will of God in the situation. See if you have a true peace about having a future with this person.
How boring right? I know! But if it takes a few boring years right now while you (with God's help) select the right person its worth it, because your future will be much smoother... and may I say, it will NOT be boring. =)
Sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for. Ladies, I urge you to focus on yourself and your future before diving into some intimate relationship with a guy. Find out who you are, what you want to be, how you really want to portray who you are. Educate yourself, reach out in your community, make a difference in someone's life. These things will build character and confidence in your life. You will begin to feel great in your own skin and you will know who you really are and where you want to take your life. Confidence is attractive to guys. They love a girl who knows what she wants.
Before you date someone seriously, learn to treat yourself how you would want to be treated. Guys will always follow your example. If you disrespect yourself, he will have no problem doing the same thing. And after all, all we want is a little R-E-S-P-E-C-T, right? Hahahahaha, ok, I couldn't resist.
Don't get me wrong, it will not always be easy. Sometimes, Mr. Wrong looks sooooo right. And sometimes Mr. Right looks all wrong. Even I have had my challenges. Its not like I can glance at a guy and know if he will be willing to put up with a person who struggles with medical issues. Would he be interested in being involved with someone who has to be cut open and operated on? Its not always easy, and we all have our issues, whatever they may be.
Ladies, if you take one thing away from this, please understand that God is your all-sustaining life support system. Without Him you have nothing- no direstion, no hope for a future, no true love. Let God be your Knight in Shining Armor, until He is ready to give you to the one He created for you.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
8-29-2010
All my life I have dreamed of making a difference in my community. It begins today.
I grew up in the small city of White Settlement, TX. I took a lot of flack over the years because of its name... some folks see it as a racist thing... but I still have a heart for the place. As a child I could see things going on that I KNEW I could help with. I saw friends making difficult decisions and businesses struggling. Even as an adult I have cried in my heart over the way things have gone for this city, now a virtual ghost town.
As a young adult, I made the decision to move back in with my parents due to a new financial plan I was making for my life. Little did I know this move would lead me right back into the same little city, but eventually, it did.
The other day I was on FaceBook and I decided to create a post asking my FB friends if they would be open to coming to church with me. In all honesty, I was hoping to get some of my work friends to come check it out, but I think God had a different plan. As it turns out I did get a couple responses to my post and I even ended up taking three people to church with me this morning. I grew up with two of them, in the little city of White Settlement, and the third was the two year old daughter of one of them. Not only has my generation been touched today, but also the next. =)
Maybe God doesn't have the same vision for White Settlement as I did, what with politics and business being involved. Maybe God wants to use me not to change the PLACE I grew up in, but the people I grew up with. I don't know what the end result will be, but I know I am 100% honored to be able to touch the lives of those who made my little neighborhood feel like home. I hope that now, I can help them feel at home in the loving arms of Jesus Christ.
I feel very accomplished today, but I also know that it will never be enough when it comes to serving and giving my all for Jesus Christ.
I grew up in the small city of White Settlement, TX. I took a lot of flack over the years because of its name... some folks see it as a racist thing... but I still have a heart for the place. As a child I could see things going on that I KNEW I could help with. I saw friends making difficult decisions and businesses struggling. Even as an adult I have cried in my heart over the way things have gone for this city, now a virtual ghost town.
As a young adult, I made the decision to move back in with my parents due to a new financial plan I was making for my life. Little did I know this move would lead me right back into the same little city, but eventually, it did.
The other day I was on FaceBook and I decided to create a post asking my FB friends if they would be open to coming to church with me. In all honesty, I was hoping to get some of my work friends to come check it out, but I think God had a different plan. As it turns out I did get a couple responses to my post and I even ended up taking three people to church with me this morning. I grew up with two of them, in the little city of White Settlement, and the third was the two year old daughter of one of them. Not only has my generation been touched today, but also the next. =)
Maybe God doesn't have the same vision for White Settlement as I did, what with politics and business being involved. Maybe God wants to use me not to change the PLACE I grew up in, but the people I grew up with. I don't know what the end result will be, but I know I am 100% honored to be able to touch the lives of those who made my little neighborhood feel like home. I hope that now, I can help them feel at home in the loving arms of Jesus Christ.
I feel very accomplished today, but I also know that it will never be enough when it comes to serving and giving my all for Jesus Christ.
Monday, August 9, 2010
8-9-10
I don't often plug my own stuff in my blog, but this is a big deal to me. This is Baby Lucia, and she lives in an orphanage in Elbasan, Albania. She was born severely deformed, and left at the orphanage by her parents because of it.
Currently I am working with various organizations, trying to find someone who is willing to help her. It has proven to be very challenging, as it now seems that she will need an entire team of surgeons to donate the operations, and not many people are willing to operate on a baby.
She suffers from constant bronchial pneumonia due to aspiration of her food. There are no feeding tubes or G-Buttons available where she is, so even eating is a huge struggle.
I am praying for a quick solution for this baby, and would appreciate your prayers as well.
Thanks.
If you are interested in getting involved please go to www.AlbanianMissions.com or email info@AlbanianMissions.com.
Monday, July 26, 2010
July 26, 2010
Man the past week has been nuts for me. I feel like I am losing my mind. There has been so much going on in my life it is unreal, and the pressure that people put on you is unbearable.
There is no relief in sight either, as this week I have work from 7a-4p every day, tonight I had a birthday party, tomorrow I have a very tough situation to deal with, Wed I have youth, Thursday I am meeting with family, Friday I have a concert, Saturday I don't work but I am hanging out with one of my youth and helping her find a job, Sunday is church and Monday it starts all over again. I just had two whole days off, and really, I can't even tell you what I did Saturday. I don't even remember. People think thats a good thing, cause maybe I got messed up and had some "fun", but its not like that. I have just been going so non stop that I can't even remember what I got done.
To add to that I have been having to borrow my Dad's car while I try to get new tires on my car. Who has time to price search? So I asked my little brother to get me prices at his work, cause I knew last time I got my tires done there it was reasonable. Did that help? NO! It took my bro like DAYS to find time to get a price quote. I'm glad he has had a lot of business, but in the mean time I have had to deal with my dad as I continue to borrow his car.
I know that doesn't sound like a difficult situation, but if you only knew how he was then maybe you would understand why the majority of my tears were shed this week. I blew my lid the other night when my friends were pressuring me to borrow the car to come out to visit with them, and I had to deal with his whole, "Why can't you take care of yourself?" BS. I hate it that, at 25, he still has the full capability to make me feel like a useless 5 year old and I hate it even more that he makes me cry.
My friends should understand by now not to pressure me to do things. I feel like the pressure from every direction is building up like crazy all over me right now. Its so bad, that the best part of my day has been at work lately. Ick.
All I know is that if I can survive this week, I am going to MAJORLY tone down my schedule and relax for a freaking minute. Until then, if I wig out on you, just know that its not me this week. I apologize in advance.
There is no relief in sight either, as this week I have work from 7a-4p every day, tonight I had a birthday party, tomorrow I have a very tough situation to deal with, Wed I have youth, Thursday I am meeting with family, Friday I have a concert, Saturday I don't work but I am hanging out with one of my youth and helping her find a job, Sunday is church and Monday it starts all over again. I just had two whole days off, and really, I can't even tell you what I did Saturday. I don't even remember. People think thats a good thing, cause maybe I got messed up and had some "fun", but its not like that. I have just been going so non stop that I can't even remember what I got done.
To add to that I have been having to borrow my Dad's car while I try to get new tires on my car. Who has time to price search? So I asked my little brother to get me prices at his work, cause I knew last time I got my tires done there it was reasonable. Did that help? NO! It took my bro like DAYS to find time to get a price quote. I'm glad he has had a lot of business, but in the mean time I have had to deal with my dad as I continue to borrow his car.
I know that doesn't sound like a difficult situation, but if you only knew how he was then maybe you would understand why the majority of my tears were shed this week. I blew my lid the other night when my friends were pressuring me to borrow the car to come out to visit with them, and I had to deal with his whole, "Why can't you take care of yourself?" BS. I hate it that, at 25, he still has the full capability to make me feel like a useless 5 year old and I hate it even more that he makes me cry.
My friends should understand by now not to pressure me to do things. I feel like the pressure from every direction is building up like crazy all over me right now. Its so bad, that the best part of my day has been at work lately. Ick.
All I know is that if I can survive this week, I am going to MAJORLY tone down my schedule and relax for a freaking minute. Until then, if I wig out on you, just know that its not me this week. I apologize in advance.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
July 10, 2010- Remember The Titans
Tonight as I was flipping through TV channels trying to find something entertaining to watch while my laundry was washing, I was forced to relive something from my past. I came upon a movie on VH1 that immediately gave me flashbacks to a very dark night in my life.
The movie was "Remember The Titans", and while I can look on this movie very fondly now, I remember the night I first saw it and I remember why I walked out of the theater and chose not to continue watching it all.
You see, the movie is about a community trying to overcome racial discrimination, and they do so by integrating blacks and whites on a high school football team and go on to play a state championship. However, during their football season, their star player is in a car accident and ends up paralyzed from the waist down. The team goes on to win the game for Gary and the rest is history.
On the evening of September 15, 1999 I was 14 years old, and along with a lot of my church buddies, I was being a HUGE brat. I wanted to go to a big youth rally at a church in Fort Worth that night, but our youth pastor opted to stay at the church that night and just do a normal youth service. We were so mad at him for not letting us go that we treated him like dirt and even gave him the silent treatment all night. Then, as all good little Christian brats do, we went home like nothing we did was wrong.
Little did I know everything was wrong, and there was nothing I could have done to change that in any way.
I walked into my house and immediately noticed that something was different. There was a news cast on in the living room and my whole family was gathered around shaking their heads. From what I could understand there had been a shooting at a church, and there was a live broadcast from the street in front of it telling us moment by moment what was going on. Many were assumed wounded or dead inside, but no one could go in because the police suspected that there were bombs inside as well. Then the big shocker came, this was not just a church service, this was a YOUTH service. Kids my age, being shot as they sat in church. That spun my head in circles. I remember I turned around and asked my mom, "It was a youth group?"
Just then there was a knock on my door. I went to answer it and found my friend and neighbor in a crying heap on my front porch. I went outside to see what was the matter and all she could say was, "Justin has been shot!" It took me a moment to grasp what she had said, but eventually I started to piece it all together. This was not just some tragedy at a church or some youth group shooting. This was a shooting of people I knew, at the event my friends and I so insisted on attending. As the night went on, friends sat on my front porch and waited for reports. Justin had been shot in the back and was temporarily paralyzed from what we knew, and we would get the call later that Joey (a freshman at our school) had died from a wound to the head. We held each other and cried all night. When I think about it, I can still feel the numbness from that night and I doubt I will ever live through something like that again.
In the days that followed, we showed school pride like never before, although it was hard as we were stalked at every turn by media and cameras. They had questions we didn't have answers to and we didn't know what to do. I was a freshman in high school... 14 years old, and an adult shoves a microphone in my face and asks me about what is going on. Something is so wrong with that picture. We were called the second Columbine and the students from Colorado even came down and counseled with us. When I look back on it, it feels like a snapshot out of a history book.
What does all this have to do with Remember The Titans? Justin was our star football player, and as it turns out, he is still paralyzed to this day. The shooting happened on a Wednesday night, and we had a football game scheduled for that Friday night against our biggest rivals. Our school decided to go ahead and play the game, even though our spirits were low and the odds were against us, being that we NEVER won against our rivals from Aledo. Our motto for that night was "Play it for Justin, Win it for Joey." And that we did. A stunning 42-3 victory, and I still wonder if the other team felt sorry for us.
Needless to say, as a teenager, this happening changed the hearts and lives of a generation in my town. I think it is probably the reason I am so passionate about ministering to teenagers today. I know the value of one life in a way that not a lot of people can understand.
Its amazing how God, even though He doesn't cause it, can bring good from tragedy and use it to set your life on a path chasing after what He has called you to do. After our bitter sweet football game that night, we had what we liked to call a "Fifth Quarter". Normally this meant an extra time for students to hang out. Sometimes we would go to a movie or the skating rink, but on that night we gathered on the football field and prayed with and received counsel from the students of Columbine High School. I stood on that football field as a very broken soul and talked to a nice girl named Crystal and and guy named Tom. They didn't really know what to say to us, but they knew exactly how to be there for us and support us, and I have always wanted to thank them for doing that.
My involvement with youth recently led me to be involved in a large event with the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association in South Fort Worth. At that meeting, on a football field, at a high school, I met back up (almost ten years later) with Crystal Woodman Miller, the Columbine student who has counseled with my friends and I at that Fifth Quarter that sad night. We talked about the old times, and how it is funny how when God brings us together it always seems to be on a high school football field. Crystal has also taken to ministry and is doing quite well. We stay in contact to this day.
I think today I am in a good place where I can watch Remember The Titans and cry with understanding, and then move on and know that no matter how bad my day has been, I have a job to do. God has directed my life in very obvious ways, keeping me out of harms way and leading me on the path He has for me. I know that I can go out there and make a difference in the life of a teen who is going through a tragedy, and I know thats what I was created to do. Its not always easy, but it is who I am. THAT will never change.
The movie was "Remember The Titans", and while I can look on this movie very fondly now, I remember the night I first saw it and I remember why I walked out of the theater and chose not to continue watching it all.
You see, the movie is about a community trying to overcome racial discrimination, and they do so by integrating blacks and whites on a high school football team and go on to play a state championship. However, during their football season, their star player is in a car accident and ends up paralyzed from the waist down. The team goes on to win the game for Gary and the rest is history.
On the evening of September 15, 1999 I was 14 years old, and along with a lot of my church buddies, I was being a HUGE brat. I wanted to go to a big youth rally at a church in Fort Worth that night, but our youth pastor opted to stay at the church that night and just do a normal youth service. We were so mad at him for not letting us go that we treated him like dirt and even gave him the silent treatment all night. Then, as all good little Christian brats do, we went home like nothing we did was wrong.
Little did I know everything was wrong, and there was nothing I could have done to change that in any way.
I walked into my house and immediately noticed that something was different. There was a news cast on in the living room and my whole family was gathered around shaking their heads. From what I could understand there had been a shooting at a church, and there was a live broadcast from the street in front of it telling us moment by moment what was going on. Many were assumed wounded or dead inside, but no one could go in because the police suspected that there were bombs inside as well. Then the big shocker came, this was not just a church service, this was a YOUTH service. Kids my age, being shot as they sat in church. That spun my head in circles. I remember I turned around and asked my mom, "It was a youth group?"
Just then there was a knock on my door. I went to answer it and found my friend and neighbor in a crying heap on my front porch. I went outside to see what was the matter and all she could say was, "Justin has been shot!" It took me a moment to grasp what she had said, but eventually I started to piece it all together. This was not just some tragedy at a church or some youth group shooting. This was a shooting of people I knew, at the event my friends and I so insisted on attending. As the night went on, friends sat on my front porch and waited for reports. Justin had been shot in the back and was temporarily paralyzed from what we knew, and we would get the call later that Joey (a freshman at our school) had died from a wound to the head. We held each other and cried all night. When I think about it, I can still feel the numbness from that night and I doubt I will ever live through something like that again.
In the days that followed, we showed school pride like never before, although it was hard as we were stalked at every turn by media and cameras. They had questions we didn't have answers to and we didn't know what to do. I was a freshman in high school... 14 years old, and an adult shoves a microphone in my face and asks me about what is going on. Something is so wrong with that picture. We were called the second Columbine and the students from Colorado even came down and counseled with us. When I look back on it, it feels like a snapshot out of a history book.
What does all this have to do with Remember The Titans? Justin was our star football player, and as it turns out, he is still paralyzed to this day. The shooting happened on a Wednesday night, and we had a football game scheduled for that Friday night against our biggest rivals. Our school decided to go ahead and play the game, even though our spirits were low and the odds were against us, being that we NEVER won against our rivals from Aledo. Our motto for that night was "Play it for Justin, Win it for Joey." And that we did. A stunning 42-3 victory, and I still wonder if the other team felt sorry for us.
Needless to say, as a teenager, this happening changed the hearts and lives of a generation in my town. I think it is probably the reason I am so passionate about ministering to teenagers today. I know the value of one life in a way that not a lot of people can understand.
Its amazing how God, even though He doesn't cause it, can bring good from tragedy and use it to set your life on a path chasing after what He has called you to do. After our bitter sweet football game that night, we had what we liked to call a "Fifth Quarter". Normally this meant an extra time for students to hang out. Sometimes we would go to a movie or the skating rink, but on that night we gathered on the football field and prayed with and received counsel from the students of Columbine High School. I stood on that football field as a very broken soul and talked to a nice girl named Crystal and and guy named Tom. They didn't really know what to say to us, but they knew exactly how to be there for us and support us, and I have always wanted to thank them for doing that.
My involvement with youth recently led me to be involved in a large event with the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association in South Fort Worth. At that meeting, on a football field, at a high school, I met back up (almost ten years later) with Crystal Woodman Miller, the Columbine student who has counseled with my friends and I at that Fifth Quarter that sad night. We talked about the old times, and how it is funny how when God brings us together it always seems to be on a high school football field. Crystal has also taken to ministry and is doing quite well. We stay in contact to this day.
I think today I am in a good place where I can watch Remember The Titans and cry with understanding, and then move on and know that no matter how bad my day has been, I have a job to do. God has directed my life in very obvious ways, keeping me out of harms way and leading me on the path He has for me. I know that I can go out there and make a difference in the life of a teen who is going through a tragedy, and I know thats what I was created to do. Its not always easy, but it is who I am. THAT will never change.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Music and Lyrics
Normally, I do not name my posts. I simply date them for easy reference, so I can know what was going on in my life at a certain point in time even if no one else ever reads.
Its funny how certain things will mark our lives forever. For example a certain date may give you feelings and memories that on other calendar day will. Or, maybe for you its a song. A song from your childhood or a song that you heard on your first date. Not matter what the reason, it is true that these things will always have a certain impact on our lives.
For example, right now, national news is covering one big this. It is called the World Cup. For those of you who don;t know what I am talking about, it is the World Championships of Soccer. Every year the world cup is played in a different country, since Soccer is an extremely international sport. This year, right now, it is being played in South Africa. Since this is a huge event in this time, in this day and age, of course, there is a song about it.
(Cut and Paste Link)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRpeEdMmmQ0
Many songs have been known to define the generations. Many of them are great, memorable songs. Many of them send a MAJOR message. WARNING: This next video has some extremely vulgar language, so be aware. It WILL be used to make a point, I promise.
(Cut and Paste Link)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BE9CXWV1alg
As a youth leader, I see a lot of brokenness in people, and A LOT of anger. This song sums it up. If you don't care about me, then why should I care? Basically, people are begging for a little unbiased love.
I know it is tempting to want to "fix" people around you, but I promise you that LOVE will always make a way where your efforts will fall short.
Speaking of "promises", I will lead into my next video. Listen to the words of this song as if God is singing it to you and as if you are singing Him the bridge.
(Cut and Paste Link)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6thmPrTxBtI
Tonight I reflect harshly on a week that has kicked my butt and had me throwing my fists in the air screaming at the top of my lungs "WHY GOD??? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??"
Tonight I reflect on the fact that I have been way to caught up in my own huge problems to ever even know that a former youth of mine was contemplating suicide and would actually commit it today, June 30, 2010.
Today I am broken. Today I resolve. Today I know that the forces of darkness have messed with the wrong girl! Today I say to all of my youth who have been hanging out on the wayside, begging for me to come get them "Here I come". No turning back.
Tomorrow I face one of the biggest challenges of my entire life. It fails in comparison to the importance of the young people God has blessed me with. Know this, if you are a youth, or a former youth of mine, I will NEVER give up on you.
Lets take a look at our lives and try to be the "This I Promise You" in their lives rather than the "I don't give a f*ck."
Its funny how certain things will mark our lives forever. For example a certain date may give you feelings and memories that on other calendar day will. Or, maybe for you its a song. A song from your childhood or a song that you heard on your first date. Not matter what the reason, it is true that these things will always have a certain impact on our lives.
For example, right now, national news is covering one big this. It is called the World Cup. For those of you who don;t know what I am talking about, it is the World Championships of Soccer. Every year the world cup is played in a different country, since Soccer is an extremely international sport. This year, right now, it is being played in South Africa. Since this is a huge event in this time, in this day and age, of course, there is a song about it.
(Cut and Paste Link)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRpeEdMmmQ0
Many songs have been known to define the generations. Many of them are great, memorable songs. Many of them send a MAJOR message. WARNING: This next video has some extremely vulgar language, so be aware. It WILL be used to make a point, I promise.
(Cut and Paste Link)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BE9CXWV1alg
As a youth leader, I see a lot of brokenness in people, and A LOT of anger. This song sums it up. If you don't care about me, then why should I care? Basically, people are begging for a little unbiased love.
I know it is tempting to want to "fix" people around you, but I promise you that LOVE will always make a way where your efforts will fall short.
Speaking of "promises", I will lead into my next video. Listen to the words of this song as if God is singing it to you and as if you are singing Him the bridge.
(Cut and Paste Link)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6thmPrTxBtI
Tonight I reflect harshly on a week that has kicked my butt and had me throwing my fists in the air screaming at the top of my lungs "WHY GOD??? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??"
Tonight I reflect on the fact that I have been way to caught up in my own huge problems to ever even know that a former youth of mine was contemplating suicide and would actually commit it today, June 30, 2010.
Today I am broken. Today I resolve. Today I know that the forces of darkness have messed with the wrong girl! Today I say to all of my youth who have been hanging out on the wayside, begging for me to come get them "Here I come". No turning back.
Tomorrow I face one of the biggest challenges of my entire life. It fails in comparison to the importance of the young people God has blessed me with. Know this, if you are a youth, or a former youth of mine, I will NEVER give up on you.
Lets take a look at our lives and try to be the "This I Promise You" in their lives rather than the "I don't give a f*ck."
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
June 22, 2010
"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." -Jim Elliot.
It is so easy to get caught up in life. Today's working person leads a busy and stressful life most every day. We get up early to get ready and then drive/commute for untold amounts of time. Then we go into a workplace and serve our hearts out and never quite feel like it is good enough. So we go home, relax if possible, cook diner and prepare for bed so we can do it all again. Most errands will be put off for the weekend, thereby nullifying every day of possible relaxation and self examination, filling our every moment with tasks to be checked off.
This happens to every one of us. And this is how life passes us completely by.
As I sit here, in a hotel room thinking about the things that have happened in the past few weeks, I am grateful. I am grateful for great kids in an outstanding youth group who are so sold out for God that they would work odd jobs for months just to take their $200 pay and spend it on going to a youth conference with me. I wish I could be so flexible in my own life. Why can't I just give it up and put everything into my passions, my dreams, my calling? I think this is something we all struggle with. I know I have thought that I will only start to truly pursue my dream and vision when the rest of my life falls into place.
That is not going to happen.
My life will never feel in place until I am actually doing what I was made to do. So, in trying to separate my life into two different sections, I have put myself on a never ending circular road and I am driving at 100 MPH.
Its time to make some changes. Its time to give up what I cannot keep to gain what I cannot lose. Its time to go to the Jordan. No turning back.
It is so easy to get caught up in life. Today's working person leads a busy and stressful life most every day. We get up early to get ready and then drive/commute for untold amounts of time. Then we go into a workplace and serve our hearts out and never quite feel like it is good enough. So we go home, relax if possible, cook diner and prepare for bed so we can do it all again. Most errands will be put off for the weekend, thereby nullifying every day of possible relaxation and self examination, filling our every moment with tasks to be checked off.
This happens to every one of us. And this is how life passes us completely by.
As I sit here, in a hotel room thinking about the things that have happened in the past few weeks, I am grateful. I am grateful for great kids in an outstanding youth group who are so sold out for God that they would work odd jobs for months just to take their $200 pay and spend it on going to a youth conference with me. I wish I could be so flexible in my own life. Why can't I just give it up and put everything into my passions, my dreams, my calling? I think this is something we all struggle with. I know I have thought that I will only start to truly pursue my dream and vision when the rest of my life falls into place.
That is not going to happen.
My life will never feel in place until I am actually doing what I was made to do. So, in trying to separate my life into two different sections, I have put myself on a never ending circular road and I am driving at 100 MPH.
Its time to make some changes. Its time to give up what I cannot keep to gain what I cannot lose. Its time to go to the Jordan. No turning back.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
What Is A Legacy?
I have heard it time and time again: "We have to leave our mark on this earth", or " What kind of legacy are you leaving behind?"
If you want to get completely technical, here is the definition:
Main Entry: 1leg·a·cy
Pronunciation: \ˈle-gə-sē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural leg·a·cies
Etymology: Middle English legacie office of a legate, bequest, from Anglo-French or Medieval Latin; Anglo-French, office of a legate, from Medieval Latin legatia, from Latin legatus
Date: 15th century
1 : a gift by will especially of money or other personal property : bequest
2 : something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past
So according to Webster (www.merriamwebster.com), a legacy is something you leave behind after you die, for those who will follow you life on this earth. I guess we pretty much already knew all this, but I wanted to build a good foundation before I dive into what I really want to say.
As a teenager and young adult, I spent a lot of time mulling over this very question. What kind of mark will I leave behind? What will be my legacy. I am a thinker, an analytical mind, so this was a very loaded question for me. I had a feeling that I was on this earth for a very special reason. I knew I was born to do something HUGE, but what was it?
I struggled with these thoughts for years, even to the point of depression. Every time I didn't quite meet a goal, or I was set back in some seemingly huge way, I would fall apart. I thought that surely my legacy had been flushed down the toilet and I was to now start again from square one. It got so bad at one point that I began to feel stuck in a rut and I had no idea what to do with myself. Sure, breakthroughs would come, and sometimes in HUGE and amazing way, but then I would always seem to end up back where I started. That is sort of what tends to happen when you are chasing something with all your heart, only you don't really know what it is that you are chasing...
I remember the day that woke me up. It was February 5, 2005. I was in my little apartment at the Verandas (remember those days Bible School students??) and I had just woken up after sleeping in on a lazy Saturday morning. I have made plans to go shopping with my bestie that afternoon, so I jumped in the shower to get ready. Once I got out and was ready to leave, I noticed that I had missed a call on my cell. Several calls in fact. All from my bestie that I was just going out to meet up with.
Immediately I called her back. I knew it must be serious because she would never call me like that unless something has happened. It seemed like the phone rang for an eternity, but when she finally answered, all I could hear was deep sobs and then I lost the connection. My first thought was that she was in a car accident or something. My mind went crazy. Then my phone rang, and it was her calling me back. "Hello..."
That fateful conversation changed my life forever. Someone we loved and cared for deeply had passed away instantly that morning in a tragic airplane crash. A week later I found myself attending a memorial service I never once thought I would have to attend. It was a terrible loss for myself and everyone I knew.
As the days and months passed, we moved on with our lives and the pain subsided. I slowly began to remember the good things... the great things. This person had changed my life in a way that no one else could have. When I was having trouble with my Dad (LONG story) he took me out for Father's day. When I began ministering in Albania, he took me under his wing and showed me everything I know. This man made a mark on my life for the better (or best) and that will never be forgotten.
Will his name be written in history books?
Probably not.
Did he make his mark on the earth? Undoubtedly
Did he leave a legacy? Absolutely.
Sometimes I think that the most complex things in life are complex because they are simple. We, as a people, tend to make something simple into something hard, by over analyzing (I am so guilty of this) and by beating it to death with theory after theory, when in reality all we have to do is be ourselves.
What????
That's right. You want to leave a legacy? You want to change a life? Be yourself.
As children we all start out wanting the same thing: Love. The first day of Kindergarten is only intimidating because of the unknown: "Will these kids like me", "Will I make good grades?", "Will the teacher be mean?". That first day of school, all we are looking for is a little acceptance, someone to treat me as they would want to be treated. Uh oh, I think this is going somewhere now...
So, to wrap this up before it becomes a novel, how do we leave a legacy?
By loving one another. Pass that on to your friends, teachers, children and loved ones. See if things don't start to change very quickly. And you might say, "Oh, but you can't please everyone." That is absolutely true. But if you are in it to please everyone, you won't ever be a true leader anyway and therefore how could you leave a legacy that will ever stand out? Let your moral compass be your guide. Instead of worrying about what will please everyone, worry about what is right. It will NOT be easy, but you will touch lives for the better, and for every person that you set the right example for, they will touch others in the same way. If you look at it like that, we could change a generation in an instant. I would call that... a legacy.
If you want to get completely technical, here is the definition:
Main Entry: 1leg·a·cy
Pronunciation: \ˈle-gə-sē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural leg·a·cies
Etymology: Middle English legacie office of a legate, bequest, from Anglo-French or Medieval Latin; Anglo-French, office of a legate, from Medieval Latin legatia, from Latin legatus
Date: 15th century
1 : a gift by will especially of money or other personal property : bequest
2 : something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past
So according to Webster (www.merriamwebster.com), a legacy is something you leave behind after you die, for those who will follow you life on this earth. I guess we pretty much already knew all this, but I wanted to build a good foundation before I dive into what I really want to say.
As a teenager and young adult, I spent a lot of time mulling over this very question. What kind of mark will I leave behind? What will be my legacy. I am a thinker, an analytical mind, so this was a very loaded question for me. I had a feeling that I was on this earth for a very special reason. I knew I was born to do something HUGE, but what was it?
I struggled with these thoughts for years, even to the point of depression. Every time I didn't quite meet a goal, or I was set back in some seemingly huge way, I would fall apart. I thought that surely my legacy had been flushed down the toilet and I was to now start again from square one. It got so bad at one point that I began to feel stuck in a rut and I had no idea what to do with myself. Sure, breakthroughs would come, and sometimes in HUGE and amazing way, but then I would always seem to end up back where I started. That is sort of what tends to happen when you are chasing something with all your heart, only you don't really know what it is that you are chasing...
I remember the day that woke me up. It was February 5, 2005. I was in my little apartment at the Verandas (remember those days Bible School students??) and I had just woken up after sleeping in on a lazy Saturday morning. I have made plans to go shopping with my bestie that afternoon, so I jumped in the shower to get ready. Once I got out and was ready to leave, I noticed that I had missed a call on my cell. Several calls in fact. All from my bestie that I was just going out to meet up with.
Immediately I called her back. I knew it must be serious because she would never call me like that unless something has happened. It seemed like the phone rang for an eternity, but when she finally answered, all I could hear was deep sobs and then I lost the connection. My first thought was that she was in a car accident or something. My mind went crazy. Then my phone rang, and it was her calling me back. "Hello..."
That fateful conversation changed my life forever. Someone we loved and cared for deeply had passed away instantly that morning in a tragic airplane crash. A week later I found myself attending a memorial service I never once thought I would have to attend. It was a terrible loss for myself and everyone I knew.
As the days and months passed, we moved on with our lives and the pain subsided. I slowly began to remember the good things... the great things. This person had changed my life in a way that no one else could have. When I was having trouble with my Dad (LONG story) he took me out for Father's day. When I began ministering in Albania, he took me under his wing and showed me everything I know. This man made a mark on my life for the better (or best) and that will never be forgotten.
Will his name be written in history books?
Probably not.
Did he make his mark on the earth? Undoubtedly
Did he leave a legacy? Absolutely.
Sometimes I think that the most complex things in life are complex because they are simple. We, as a people, tend to make something simple into something hard, by over analyzing (I am so guilty of this) and by beating it to death with theory after theory, when in reality all we have to do is be ourselves.
What????
That's right. You want to leave a legacy? You want to change a life? Be yourself.
As children we all start out wanting the same thing: Love. The first day of Kindergarten is only intimidating because of the unknown: "Will these kids like me", "Will I make good grades?", "Will the teacher be mean?". That first day of school, all we are looking for is a little acceptance, someone to treat me as they would want to be treated. Uh oh, I think this is going somewhere now...
So, to wrap this up before it becomes a novel, how do we leave a legacy?
By loving one another. Pass that on to your friends, teachers, children and loved ones. See if things don't start to change very quickly. And you might say, "Oh, but you can't please everyone." That is absolutely true. But if you are in it to please everyone, you won't ever be a true leader anyway and therefore how could you leave a legacy that will ever stand out? Let your moral compass be your guide. Instead of worrying about what will please everyone, worry about what is right. It will NOT be easy, but you will touch lives for the better, and for every person that you set the right example for, they will touch others in the same way. If you look at it like that, we could change a generation in an instant. I would call that... a legacy.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Dukes vs Wal-Mart
Have you ever seen or heard something that made you stop what you were doing and shake your head? I have.
Before you read this blog, check out these links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dukes_v._Wal-Mart_Stores,_Inc.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/01/betty-dukes-walmart-greet_n_559892.html
http://arkansasnews.com/2010/05/01/federal-court-ruling-moves-wal-mart-class-action-suit-forward/
I am not the kind of Christian who thinks that you shouldn't sue someone just because its un-Christlike. I believe that we live in a country that has a court system set up for a reason, and that every person has an undeniable right to be heard. I believe that every American, and everyone in the world, has the right to stand up for themselves, and to stand up for what is right. I have read a couple pages about this lawsuit and also about the lady who first brought it to the courts, so please also know that I am no expert on the exact situation.
Now that I have stated my disclaimer, I would like to express my thoughts on this lawsuit. I have read a couple pages about this lawsuit and about the lady who first brought it to the courts, so please also know that I am no expert on the exact situation. The facts I have gathered are this: Mrs. Dukes was hired on at a SF Walmart as a cashier. She was as some point demoted to a door greeter. She felt like she was not given the chance to move up in Walmart and may have been discriminated against because she is a female.
I have never been to California, let alone have I worked for a San Francisco Wal Mart. I have, however, been employed by the company for 17 months. In my experience with the company, I have seen alot of things and from these things I have formed several opinions. Never once (in my situation) have I every even thought about whether or not the company was biased towards males or against females. As I stated before, I have only worked for the company for 17 months. That is less than two years, and in that time I have been promoted twice.
I have seen many people come into WalMart with a "gung ho" attitude, completely convinced that they would move up within the company. Some have reached their goals, but many have not. Mrs. Dukes is accusing immediate supervisors of keeping her from reaching her goals.
Now, as a person who has been a manager in a couple of different positions, and in the exact one that would have put me as Dukes immediate supervisor had she been employed in my store, let me say that there are a lot of things that play into who we promote. They are looking for people who actually work, first of all. This may seem like a "Duh!" kind of statement, but you would be amazed at the amounts of people who think they can come into a place like WalMart, walk around like they are important, ignore customers, isolate themselves from co-workers, and then look around and wonder why their managers haven't offered a promotion yet. I got promoted by working hard, solving customer issues, and keeping up great relationships with co-workers. I have put a lot into getting where I am, even though it is not that far and I still have much to accomplish. So, please, if you expect a promotion, be worth it and don't waste my time.
Secondly, in one article I read, it was stated that Dukes was reprimanded for being consistently late coming back from lunch breaks. When you work as a cashier at Wally World, it is very important to be as punctual as possible. The managers who oversee the front end have to assure that up to almost 40 people at times are getting their two 15 minute breaks and their hour lunch, all while trying to keep the lines down, as management is constantly one their case about that, and trying to make sure that someone who goes home at 5pm actually goes home on time. If one cashier is late from lunch or break, it can throw off the very very sensitive daily schedule, and things can easily begin to fall apart from there. Cashiers know this, and therefore are reprimanded when they are consistently late coming back from lunch or breaks. This is a cut and clear situation from my understanding.
As an employee, I have of course heard the "official" statement from the company. Walmart's stance is basically that the company believes this situation is more than likely an isolated incident and that it should be a personal case rather than a class action. As a recreational student of Tort Law, I can understand how there are circumstances that need to be handled publicly, when a company has knowingly done wrong to a mass scale of persons. I also understand that if this is tried as a class action, the lawyers will see a large settlement handed over to their firm, while a meager percentage will go to the people who were actually "victimized".
I agree with the company's stance on this one. There are things happening out there these days that are very wrong. Yes, women are wronged in business on a DAILY basis. Yes, as a whole, companies in the USA still pay 20-40% more to men working in the exact same positions as women. YES, this is WRONG. I am NOT against women's right to equality. I am simply saying that, as an employee of the company, I have not experienced these things at all, nor have I ever heard of a woman employee feeling this way. I work in a store that employs 500 people. A good majority of these people are female. I have never heard anything about bias in the company until this case. Therefore, it is my opinion that this may be a more isolated incident, going on within a particular store, under a particular management. It is a sad thing.
I am glad people are standing up for what is right. I just wish it was always done the right way.
How do you feel?
Before you read this blog, check out these links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dukes_v._Wal-Mart_Stores,_Inc.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/01/betty-dukes-walmart-greet_n_559892.html
http://arkansasnews.com/2010/05/01/federal-court-ruling-moves-wal-mart-class-action-suit-forward/
I am not the kind of Christian who thinks that you shouldn't sue someone just because its un-Christlike. I believe that we live in a country that has a court system set up for a reason, and that every person has an undeniable right to be heard. I believe that every American, and everyone in the world, has the right to stand up for themselves, and to stand up for what is right. I have read a couple pages about this lawsuit and also about the lady who first brought it to the courts, so please also know that I am no expert on the exact situation.
Now that I have stated my disclaimer, I would like to express my thoughts on this lawsuit. I have read a couple pages about this lawsuit and about the lady who first brought it to the courts, so please also know that I am no expert on the exact situation. The facts I have gathered are this: Mrs. Dukes was hired on at a SF Walmart as a cashier. She was as some point demoted to a door greeter. She felt like she was not given the chance to move up in Walmart and may have been discriminated against because she is a female.
I have never been to California, let alone have I worked for a San Francisco Wal Mart. I have, however, been employed by the company for 17 months. In my experience with the company, I have seen alot of things and from these things I have formed several opinions. Never once (in my situation) have I every even thought about whether or not the company was biased towards males or against females. As I stated before, I have only worked for the company for 17 months. That is less than two years, and in that time I have been promoted twice.
I have seen many people come into WalMart with a "gung ho" attitude, completely convinced that they would move up within the company. Some have reached their goals, but many have not. Mrs. Dukes is accusing immediate supervisors of keeping her from reaching her goals.
Now, as a person who has been a manager in a couple of different positions, and in the exact one that would have put me as Dukes immediate supervisor had she been employed in my store, let me say that there are a lot of things that play into who we promote. They are looking for people who actually work, first of all. This may seem like a "Duh!" kind of statement, but you would be amazed at the amounts of people who think they can come into a place like WalMart, walk around like they are important, ignore customers, isolate themselves from co-workers, and then look around and wonder why their managers haven't offered a promotion yet. I got promoted by working hard, solving customer issues, and keeping up great relationships with co-workers. I have put a lot into getting where I am, even though it is not that far and I still have much to accomplish. So, please, if you expect a promotion, be worth it and don't waste my time.
Secondly, in one article I read, it was stated that Dukes was reprimanded for being consistently late coming back from lunch breaks. When you work as a cashier at Wally World, it is very important to be as punctual as possible. The managers who oversee the front end have to assure that up to almost 40 people at times are getting their two 15 minute breaks and their hour lunch, all while trying to keep the lines down, as management is constantly one their case about that, and trying to make sure that someone who goes home at 5pm actually goes home on time. If one cashier is late from lunch or break, it can throw off the very very sensitive daily schedule, and things can easily begin to fall apart from there. Cashiers know this, and therefore are reprimanded when they are consistently late coming back from lunch or breaks. This is a cut and clear situation from my understanding.
As an employee, I have of course heard the "official" statement from the company. Walmart's stance is basically that the company believes this situation is more than likely an isolated incident and that it should be a personal case rather than a class action. As a recreational student of Tort Law, I can understand how there are circumstances that need to be handled publicly, when a company has knowingly done wrong to a mass scale of persons. I also understand that if this is tried as a class action, the lawyers will see a large settlement handed over to their firm, while a meager percentage will go to the people who were actually "victimized".
I agree with the company's stance on this one. There are things happening out there these days that are very wrong. Yes, women are wronged in business on a DAILY basis. Yes, as a whole, companies in the USA still pay 20-40% more to men working in the exact same positions as women. YES, this is WRONG. I am NOT against women's right to equality. I am simply saying that, as an employee of the company, I have not experienced these things at all, nor have I ever heard of a woman employee feeling this way. I work in a store that employs 500 people. A good majority of these people are female. I have never heard anything about bias in the company until this case. Therefore, it is my opinion that this may be a more isolated incident, going on within a particular store, under a particular management. It is a sad thing.
I am glad people are standing up for what is right. I just wish it was always done the right way.
How do you feel?
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Natalie Tattalie
Sometimes I have to be the strong one in a group. The rock. A leader. I feel like a lot of people expect that of me as a minister, especially in certain situations. Sometimes I have to hold my tears when others cry freely. I have to seem like the one who isn't affected by the circumstances, when in reality you will look back and see that I was the one who had a profound affect in your time of need. Sometimes I have to be a force to be reckoned with. Sometimes I must press through the hard times and move on.
And sometimes, I break down and sob...
I didn't expect to be writing this blog tonight. In all reality I have a TON of things to do... laundry, pack for vacation, pack for moving, do online classes, get ready for work tomorrow. I thought that IF I did finally sit down and write this blog, it would be while I am on vacation. You know, so I can collect my thoughts and speak my point clearly. I guess I was wrong. It's not the first time, and it won't be the last.
In my life I have seen many things, both great and sorrowful. I have been there for friends through it all and they have done the same for me. I pride myself in being a rock; a solid person who people can turn to for real and effective advice... if I indeed have advice and experience to offer on their particular circumstance. Sometimes this part of me is a really great thing. I know it makes me a great youth leader, as there are always young people looking for an experienced ear to JUST listen. Then, there are other times when this aspect of me tears me to pieces from the inside out.
Like I said, I didn't think I would be writing this blog today, but here we go:
Almost two years ago, I went through one of the worst experiences of my life. I was torn away from people I love and forced into a situation that was far less than good. (I know I am being vague, but for the sake of others, I'd like for you to try and understand where I am coming from without all the specifics.) Anyway, I found myself a little lost, and first and foremost scrambling for a job. Luckily, after filling out ENDLESS applications at every kind of workplace imaginable, I got a call from Walmart. Now, at the time (and for a long time after that) I didn't think that this call was a good thing. I loathed the idea of working at Walmart and I told myself it was a temporary fix. To make a long story slightly shorter, I got the job at Wally World and began working as a sales associate in the Electronics department. It was in that department, only a couple months later, where I would meet Natalie.
Natalie was a different kind of person, to say the least, with her daring gaze and often times what seemed like an all out bad attitude. One day I was setting up a new MP3 display and was assigned to work with her on this project. I didn't really mind the assignment, I just didn't know Natalie all that well... so we just got straight to work. That day we ended up getting so frustrated with the project that we laughed until we cried. Natalie and I were buddies forever after that, regardless of what kind of attitudes either of us had.
Natalie brought out the best in me (if even by flattery) when she would say things like, "You're SO funny, Julie". We worked together for only a few months, but we knew each other, and were even talking about being roomates at one point. Too bad we never got around to making that happen...
After a few months, I got a promotion and transferred to the front of the store managing all the cashiers and customer service. I BEGGED Natalie to follow me, as I knew she LOVED working up front in the accounting office. It was a little selfish too, cause I wanted to be able to work with her again, but she never could make that move, and so we just talked when we could.
One day as I was handling a complaint, I realized the associate who had ticked my customer off was Natalie. I tried my best to smooth things over, but in the back of my head I knew the customer was right about Nat's attitude, and immediately after I "fixed" things I called back to Electronics and suggested the manager find out what was wrong with Natalie and why she treated the customer that way. He ended up sending her home and I went on with my day.
It wasn't until that night that I heard the news. Natalie was in the ER and they were due to operate any time on what they said was a dangerous ulcer. I felt bad for thinking the way I did about Natalie's attitude. No wonder she didn't act nice... she wasn't feeling well. She had ulcers. So I tried my best to keep up to date on how she was doing and planned to go visit her ASAP, but it turned out she had something else going on and they weren't sure what. When I pried into the Electronics manager, he mentioned the possibility of cancer. I was floored. My first thought was, "My friend CAN'T have cancer. Haven't I lost enough people in my life?". However, I tried to let the thought leave me, because we really just didn't know anything yet. I prayed for the answer I needed to hear, but unfortunately I didn't get it this time.
The call came in the beginning of January of this year. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was Ron (the Electronics Mgr.) and he said, "Julie, are you sitting down?"
Stage four colon cancer.
I didn't really have time to digest that. I still don't think I have had the time to digest it, but at that particular moment I was just walking back out onto the job from lunch. SO, I put on my strong face and went through the day without anyone knowing what was going on (Natalie insisted she would kill me if I told anyone. She wanted privacy). The only time I was asked anything that day was when one of my managers caught me rubbing my neck and looking at the floor. She asked me what was wrong, and even though I KNEW she knew Natalie also, all I could say was, "One of my friends was just diagnosed with stage four colon caner.". I was to have many a day like that. Many times where all I wanted to do was tell all the people who she cared about, so that they could love her and go see her and support her. I wasn't allowed to.
Luckily, (and I use the word luck with a grain of salt because I know there are MANY others who wish they would've been in my shoes) I was allowed to go see her in the hospital on her birthday. January 12. I bought her a movie "Julie and Julia" because I had heard she wanted to see it, and I put it in a black and white bag with black and red tissue paper because I knew she liked the colors. Looking back now, I am so happy I got to see her that day. Little did I know it would be the last time...
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, April 10, 2010. I was driving in my car, on a wonderfully busy and beautiful Saturday afternoon, on my way to a Loen concert. Then my world changed. After months of trying to get her to let us see her again, we had no success. Natalie was stubborn, and her sister would even call us, saying that she wouldn't even let her own family come and see her, so we shouldn't feel bad.
Let me just say this. I am a helping person. If I can't DO something to help you in your day to day life, even if its just smile at you, then I am a LOST person. God hard wired this into me. I couldn't change if I wanted to. It hurt me to depths unseen that she wouldn't let me BE me. I wanted to sit at her bedside every single day. I wanted to make her giggle when no one else could. I wanted to be a friend through thick and thin. She wouldn't let me. She wouldn't let anyone.
Like I said, my world was disrupted on that Saturday afternoon, when I heard my phone ring in the seat next to me. I turned my radio down, picked up my phone and saw that it was Ron. I knew this couldn't be good. Just four days before (on my bday) I got the news that she was given 2-4 weeks to live. So, as I answered the phone, I probably should have been expecting to hear the words... I knew it... but I couldn't know it. I didn't want to know it. I answered, "Hello." Ron: "Hey Jules. Natalie died today." Me: "No she didn't." Ron: "Yes she did. I'm sorry, but I have to make a lot of phone calls right now. But you were my first."...
I hung up the phone and starred out at the road in front of me, my concert no longer meaning a single thing to me, even though I would walk in that night and see a ton of people I know and love,, paint a smile on my face and act like I didn't hurt. That's me. I'm strong. I turned up my radio and on came a song that word for word meant everything I was thinking...
A couple a days later I headed out to Amarillo with Ron and a couple of our co workers, Travis and Ashley. They would cry the whole way there. Me? I would sit in the back seat and listen to my MP3 and not shed a tear, because I'm a rock. All the while I am crying inside because I am listening to that song I heard on the radio over and over again. For some reason I can't even bring myself to shed a tear. I get frustrated at this fact, but I should know better by now. With over ten people who I have known and loved dying tragically (all of them) in my lifetime, I should know that no matter what I CANNOT cry. At least not in front of people. I am a strong person. I am a rock.
We stood there at the wake until everyone else had left, family and all, and then we each said our goodbyes. I asked the others to leave me alone. I needed to do this alone, cause I knew I would cry. What did I do? I sobbed. I sobbed so loud that even though they moved to the back of the church, I knew they could hear me. I wanted to know why she wouldn't let me help her, comfort her. I wanted to know WHY someone with such potential could be eaten alive by something as evil as cancer at such a young age as 26. I cried and cried. Then I took an envelope out and I put it inside her casket and we left. Inside the envelope was a piece of paper. On the paper were the lyrics to that song...
Natalie: It's something unpredictable, but in the end its right. I hope you had the time of your life.
I really do hope she had the time of her life. Every time I hear that song now it has a huge new meaning to me. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, and though I have uttered those words a thousand times to a thousand people, young and old, I have never known the meaning of them till now. I want to enjoy every minute of my life. One little argument or a grudge held is not worth it. A frown on your face and a grumpy morning is not worth it. If I would have been in Natalie's shoes, with so little time, I would have wanted to make every single second count in every way possible... and not just for myself, but for the people around me.
If I learn anything at all from this, I hope that is it. I want to make my life count. I want to have the time of my life.
Sometimes, as a minister, people expect me to be a rock. Sometimes, I will be but, I will cry too.
And sometimes, I break down and sob...
I didn't expect to be writing this blog tonight. In all reality I have a TON of things to do... laundry, pack for vacation, pack for moving, do online classes, get ready for work tomorrow. I thought that IF I did finally sit down and write this blog, it would be while I am on vacation. You know, so I can collect my thoughts and speak my point clearly. I guess I was wrong. It's not the first time, and it won't be the last.
In my life I have seen many things, both great and sorrowful. I have been there for friends through it all and they have done the same for me. I pride myself in being a rock; a solid person who people can turn to for real and effective advice... if I indeed have advice and experience to offer on their particular circumstance. Sometimes this part of me is a really great thing. I know it makes me a great youth leader, as there are always young people looking for an experienced ear to JUST listen. Then, there are other times when this aspect of me tears me to pieces from the inside out.
Like I said, I didn't think I would be writing this blog today, but here we go:
Almost two years ago, I went through one of the worst experiences of my life. I was torn away from people I love and forced into a situation that was far less than good. (I know I am being vague, but for the sake of others, I'd like for you to try and understand where I am coming from without all the specifics.) Anyway, I found myself a little lost, and first and foremost scrambling for a job. Luckily, after filling out ENDLESS applications at every kind of workplace imaginable, I got a call from Walmart. Now, at the time (and for a long time after that) I didn't think that this call was a good thing. I loathed the idea of working at Walmart and I told myself it was a temporary fix. To make a long story slightly shorter, I got the job at Wally World and began working as a sales associate in the Electronics department. It was in that department, only a couple months later, where I would meet Natalie.
Natalie was a different kind of person, to say the least, with her daring gaze and often times what seemed like an all out bad attitude. One day I was setting up a new MP3 display and was assigned to work with her on this project. I didn't really mind the assignment, I just didn't know Natalie all that well... so we just got straight to work. That day we ended up getting so frustrated with the project that we laughed until we cried. Natalie and I were buddies forever after that, regardless of what kind of attitudes either of us had.
Natalie brought out the best in me (if even by flattery) when she would say things like, "You're SO funny, Julie". We worked together for only a few months, but we knew each other, and were even talking about being roomates at one point. Too bad we never got around to making that happen...
After a few months, I got a promotion and transferred to the front of the store managing all the cashiers and customer service. I BEGGED Natalie to follow me, as I knew she LOVED working up front in the accounting office. It was a little selfish too, cause I wanted to be able to work with her again, but she never could make that move, and so we just talked when we could.
One day as I was handling a complaint, I realized the associate who had ticked my customer off was Natalie. I tried my best to smooth things over, but in the back of my head I knew the customer was right about Nat's attitude, and immediately after I "fixed" things I called back to Electronics and suggested the manager find out what was wrong with Natalie and why she treated the customer that way. He ended up sending her home and I went on with my day.
It wasn't until that night that I heard the news. Natalie was in the ER and they were due to operate any time on what they said was a dangerous ulcer. I felt bad for thinking the way I did about Natalie's attitude. No wonder she didn't act nice... she wasn't feeling well. She had ulcers. So I tried my best to keep up to date on how she was doing and planned to go visit her ASAP, but it turned out she had something else going on and they weren't sure what. When I pried into the Electronics manager, he mentioned the possibility of cancer. I was floored. My first thought was, "My friend CAN'T have cancer. Haven't I lost enough people in my life?". However, I tried to let the thought leave me, because we really just didn't know anything yet. I prayed for the answer I needed to hear, but unfortunately I didn't get it this time.
The call came in the beginning of January of this year. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was Ron (the Electronics Mgr.) and he said, "Julie, are you sitting down?"
Stage four colon cancer.
I didn't really have time to digest that. I still don't think I have had the time to digest it, but at that particular moment I was just walking back out onto the job from lunch. SO, I put on my strong face and went through the day without anyone knowing what was going on (Natalie insisted she would kill me if I told anyone. She wanted privacy). The only time I was asked anything that day was when one of my managers caught me rubbing my neck and looking at the floor. She asked me what was wrong, and even though I KNEW she knew Natalie also, all I could say was, "One of my friends was just diagnosed with stage four colon caner.". I was to have many a day like that. Many times where all I wanted to do was tell all the people who she cared about, so that they could love her and go see her and support her. I wasn't allowed to.
Luckily, (and I use the word luck with a grain of salt because I know there are MANY others who wish they would've been in my shoes) I was allowed to go see her in the hospital on her birthday. January 12. I bought her a movie "Julie and Julia" because I had heard she wanted to see it, and I put it in a black and white bag with black and red tissue paper because I knew she liked the colors. Looking back now, I am so happy I got to see her that day. Little did I know it would be the last time...
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, April 10, 2010. I was driving in my car, on a wonderfully busy and beautiful Saturday afternoon, on my way to a Loen concert. Then my world changed. After months of trying to get her to let us see her again, we had no success. Natalie was stubborn, and her sister would even call us, saying that she wouldn't even let her own family come and see her, so we shouldn't feel bad.
Let me just say this. I am a helping person. If I can't DO something to help you in your day to day life, even if its just smile at you, then I am a LOST person. God hard wired this into me. I couldn't change if I wanted to. It hurt me to depths unseen that she wouldn't let me BE me. I wanted to sit at her bedside every single day. I wanted to make her giggle when no one else could. I wanted to be a friend through thick and thin. She wouldn't let me. She wouldn't let anyone.
Like I said, my world was disrupted on that Saturday afternoon, when I heard my phone ring in the seat next to me. I turned my radio down, picked up my phone and saw that it was Ron. I knew this couldn't be good. Just four days before (on my bday) I got the news that she was given 2-4 weeks to live. So, as I answered the phone, I probably should have been expecting to hear the words... I knew it... but I couldn't know it. I didn't want to know it. I answered, "Hello." Ron: "Hey Jules. Natalie died today." Me: "No she didn't." Ron: "Yes she did. I'm sorry, but I have to make a lot of phone calls right now. But you were my first."...
I hung up the phone and starred out at the road in front of me, my concert no longer meaning a single thing to me, even though I would walk in that night and see a ton of people I know and love,, paint a smile on my face and act like I didn't hurt. That's me. I'm strong. I turned up my radio and on came a song that word for word meant everything I was thinking...
A couple a days later I headed out to Amarillo with Ron and a couple of our co workers, Travis and Ashley. They would cry the whole way there. Me? I would sit in the back seat and listen to my MP3 and not shed a tear, because I'm a rock. All the while I am crying inside because I am listening to that song I heard on the radio over and over again. For some reason I can't even bring myself to shed a tear. I get frustrated at this fact, but I should know better by now. With over ten people who I have known and loved dying tragically (all of them) in my lifetime, I should know that no matter what I CANNOT cry. At least not in front of people. I am a strong person. I am a rock.
We stood there at the wake until everyone else had left, family and all, and then we each said our goodbyes. I asked the others to leave me alone. I needed to do this alone, cause I knew I would cry. What did I do? I sobbed. I sobbed so loud that even though they moved to the back of the church, I knew they could hear me. I wanted to know why she wouldn't let me help her, comfort her. I wanted to know WHY someone with such potential could be eaten alive by something as evil as cancer at such a young age as 26. I cried and cried. Then I took an envelope out and I put it inside her casket and we left. Inside the envelope was a piece of paper. On the paper were the lyrics to that song...
Natalie: It's something unpredictable, but in the end its right. I hope you had the time of your life.
I really do hope she had the time of her life. Every time I hear that song now it has a huge new meaning to me. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, and though I have uttered those words a thousand times to a thousand people, young and old, I have never known the meaning of them till now. I want to enjoy every minute of my life. One little argument or a grudge held is not worth it. A frown on your face and a grumpy morning is not worth it. If I would have been in Natalie's shoes, with so little time, I would have wanted to make every single second count in every way possible... and not just for myself, but for the people around me.
If I learn anything at all from this, I hope that is it. I want to make my life count. I want to have the time of my life.
Sometimes, as a minister, people expect me to be a rock. Sometimes, I will be but, I will cry too.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
What Is A Tragedy?
Do you ever feel like the words you say are about to be judged in a spectacular way? Oh well, here it goes:
This week has been one of the more difficult ones of my life. Don't get me wrong, I am no stranger to hard times, it just seems that I never quite remember how bad they feel until I am right in the middle of them again.
In the past week or so I have seen two people near and dear to me die young (both under 30) and senselessly. If that wasn't hard enough I have had a series of several quick moving family issues pop up one right after the other, all of which have put some sort of un-spoken stress on me.
All this, not to mention work. At Walmart when we have a problem, instead of saying so, we will say we have an "opportunity". The first time I heard this phrase I thought it was a great way to look at things from the positive side. Today everything Wally World says, does and stands for disgusts me. I am just feeling a little burnt out. Like I said, its been a rough week.
You might say that I have even experience several tragedies this week. I know thats how I feel about some of the things that happen, and I know without a doubt that there are people I work with who would agree, for they have been through one of the situations with me. We lost a friend and coworker to a terrible disease. It was a huge secret that she was sick, and therefore a huge shock to everyone that knew her. I would call that a tragedy, and I suppose that most of the world probably would as well.
However, I want to point out a tragedy of a different kind in this blog. There is a tragedy going on within the souls of people, and especially within the walls of the church. I have personally experienced this in the past few days, as I have seen someone who was hurting and searching for answers completely thrown out of the life of one of her best friends based on one questionable decision. This friend of hers was a Christian. The decision this girl made was nothing illegal. It may have been immoral and I do not speak out for immorality, however I do speak on the side of love. The girl who was pushed aside by her Christian friend was also pushed out of churches her whole life.
This is just one singular circumstance, but I know its not an uncommon happening. It seems so easy sometimes to push people away because they do something that throws you for a loop, but in the end, (to me) if you are striving to be Christlike, eventually you would have to forgive thee person and rebuild at least a decent speaking relationship with them.
If you think you just believe differently, here is what the Bible says about it:
[21]Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? [22]Jesus says unto him, I say not unto you, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21-22
Do you believe the Bible?
I know that by judging the actions of Christians I am, to and extent, doing exactly what I am condemning, but I cannot keep silent about what is right. This is how I feel.
This blog is dedicated to all the too many loved ones I have seen go on in my lifetime. I hope that you were pulled in and loved by the people who represent Jesus.
Wilson Eugene Shelley
Lillian Shelley
Joey Ennis
Beverly Shook
Maryann Garza
Wil Ramsey
Alice Stoebner
Claude
Brandon Evans
Otto Stoebner
Courtney
Natalie Cervantez
This week has been one of the more difficult ones of my life. Don't get me wrong, I am no stranger to hard times, it just seems that I never quite remember how bad they feel until I am right in the middle of them again.
In the past week or so I have seen two people near and dear to me die young (both under 30) and senselessly. If that wasn't hard enough I have had a series of several quick moving family issues pop up one right after the other, all of which have put some sort of un-spoken stress on me.
All this, not to mention work. At Walmart when we have a problem, instead of saying so, we will say we have an "opportunity". The first time I heard this phrase I thought it was a great way to look at things from the positive side. Today everything Wally World says, does and stands for disgusts me. I am just feeling a little burnt out. Like I said, its been a rough week.
You might say that I have even experience several tragedies this week. I know thats how I feel about some of the things that happen, and I know without a doubt that there are people I work with who would agree, for they have been through one of the situations with me. We lost a friend and coworker to a terrible disease. It was a huge secret that she was sick, and therefore a huge shock to everyone that knew her. I would call that a tragedy, and I suppose that most of the world probably would as well.
However, I want to point out a tragedy of a different kind in this blog. There is a tragedy going on within the souls of people, and especially within the walls of the church. I have personally experienced this in the past few days, as I have seen someone who was hurting and searching for answers completely thrown out of the life of one of her best friends based on one questionable decision. This friend of hers was a Christian. The decision this girl made was nothing illegal. It may have been immoral and I do not speak out for immorality, however I do speak on the side of love. The girl who was pushed aside by her Christian friend was also pushed out of churches her whole life.
This is just one singular circumstance, but I know its not an uncommon happening. It seems so easy sometimes to push people away because they do something that throws you for a loop, but in the end, (to me) if you are striving to be Christlike, eventually you would have to forgive thee person and rebuild at least a decent speaking relationship with them.
If you think you just believe differently, here is what the Bible says about it:
[21]Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? [22]Jesus says unto him, I say not unto you, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Matthew 18:21-22
Do you believe the Bible?
I know that by judging the actions of Christians I am, to and extent, doing exactly what I am condemning, but I cannot keep silent about what is right. This is how I feel.
This blog is dedicated to all the too many loved ones I have seen go on in my lifetime. I hope that you were pulled in and loved by the people who represent Jesus.
Wilson Eugene Shelley
Lillian Shelley
Joey Ennis
Beverly Shook
Maryann Garza
Wil Ramsey
Alice Stoebner
Claude
Brandon Evans
Otto Stoebner
Courtney
Natalie Cervantez
Monday, April 5, 2010
April 5, 2010
WOW! It has been FOREVER since I have blogged. Shame on me!
So how do I condense all that has happened into one meaningful blog?? Maybe I can't, but I will try. Here we go:
Since you've last read this blog I have had SOOO much going on. I felt at times that my head was going to overflow with stuff and brain would start to ooze out my ears or something. Gross, I know. In the days that I have been penless (or keyboardless??) I have laughed harder than ever and I have cried harder than ever. Its like I have lived a full lifetime in about 15 days. Weird huh?
I absolutely love my life, and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but sometimes I feel pain, from things that are happening or because I feel like old wounds have been ripped open. I had a little get together for my birthday, and none of my family was able to come for various reasons. Its ok, they are around for other things.
As I have gone through my life, for reasons some people will never understand, I have always searched for family to surround me. For a LONG LONG time, I found that at my church. Well, a couple of years ago when a bunch of weird stuff happened, that family kind of got torn away from me. In the years since that happened I have (finally) been able to find myself and move on. I am a part of a church I LOVE and I am so happy to form a new kind of family with them.
Because of this and many other things, I think I take situations WAY too seriously sometimes. For example, when I say that the people who surround me are the MOST important thing in my life, I mean it. The other day I was driving around town getting things accomplished before heading out to my birthday party. I was TOTALLY psyched because A LOT of people I cared about were going to be there.
So, as I was driving out to the hospital to see my friend who was in the hospital preparing to have brain surgery, I got about 10 phone calls/emails right in a row. They were ALL cancelling on me for my party. At this point I had bought the cakes and everything, all I had to do was show up, so it was kind of hard to deal with, but the most difficult part was the fact that once I finished taking all these calls I realized that NONE of the people from my new church were going to be there. This CRUSHED me. I literally drove around for THREE HOURS crying my head off. I am SUCH a cry baby. I ended up calling off my hospital visit, putting on my fake happy face and going to the party.
Thankfully I was very quickly reminded of all the people in my life who DID show up to help celebrate with me. I am so thankful for all my friends! I ended up having a good time... NO.. a GREAT time, and apologizing to people I may have been rude to when they cancelled on me. AND GUESS WHAT??? Even though they were late, two people from my church DID end up showing up! I was so thrilled. Thank you to Kennedie and her mom for coming out. I literally had tears in my eyes as I hugged them and welcomed them. I am SURE they thought I had lost my mind, but it meant more to me than they will ever know!
Sometimes I have to learn how to not be a brat! I am so mad at myself for ever being so upset. Do you ever get that way, or am I the only one in the world who is so ridiculously hard on them selves that they get mad at themselves for being mad in the first place? Haha, I know that is hard to follow, but thats what I do.
I am writing this not only to vent, but to remind myself to be thankful in every situation. Its not fair for me to act bratty towards others just because I don't get what I want. I still have a lot to learn, but I know one thing... I will build a new family at my wonderful church, and though it may be hard, it will be WELL worth it!
Sorry this blog sort of rambled on and on and on, but I had to get some stuff out there. OH, and FYI the friend who had brain surgery came out of it beautifully today and is already looking better! Praise God for doctors!
Love you all!
J
So how do I condense all that has happened into one meaningful blog?? Maybe I can't, but I will try. Here we go:
Since you've last read this blog I have had SOOO much going on. I felt at times that my head was going to overflow with stuff and brain would start to ooze out my ears or something. Gross, I know. In the days that I have been penless (or keyboardless??) I have laughed harder than ever and I have cried harder than ever. Its like I have lived a full lifetime in about 15 days. Weird huh?
I absolutely love my life, and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but sometimes I feel pain, from things that are happening or because I feel like old wounds have been ripped open. I had a little get together for my birthday, and none of my family was able to come for various reasons. Its ok, they are around for other things.
As I have gone through my life, for reasons some people will never understand, I have always searched for family to surround me. For a LONG LONG time, I found that at my church. Well, a couple of years ago when a bunch of weird stuff happened, that family kind of got torn away from me. In the years since that happened I have (finally) been able to find myself and move on. I am a part of a church I LOVE and I am so happy to form a new kind of family with them.
Because of this and many other things, I think I take situations WAY too seriously sometimes. For example, when I say that the people who surround me are the MOST important thing in my life, I mean it. The other day I was driving around town getting things accomplished before heading out to my birthday party. I was TOTALLY psyched because A LOT of people I cared about were going to be there.
So, as I was driving out to the hospital to see my friend who was in the hospital preparing to have brain surgery, I got about 10 phone calls/emails right in a row. They were ALL cancelling on me for my party. At this point I had bought the cakes and everything, all I had to do was show up, so it was kind of hard to deal with, but the most difficult part was the fact that once I finished taking all these calls I realized that NONE of the people from my new church were going to be there. This CRUSHED me. I literally drove around for THREE HOURS crying my head off. I am SUCH a cry baby. I ended up calling off my hospital visit, putting on my fake happy face and going to the party.
Thankfully I was very quickly reminded of all the people in my life who DID show up to help celebrate with me. I am so thankful for all my friends! I ended up having a good time... NO.. a GREAT time, and apologizing to people I may have been rude to when they cancelled on me. AND GUESS WHAT??? Even though they were late, two people from my church DID end up showing up! I was so thrilled. Thank you to Kennedie and her mom for coming out. I literally had tears in my eyes as I hugged them and welcomed them. I am SURE they thought I had lost my mind, but it meant more to me than they will ever know!
Sometimes I have to learn how to not be a brat! I am so mad at myself for ever being so upset. Do you ever get that way, or am I the only one in the world who is so ridiculously hard on them selves that they get mad at themselves for being mad in the first place? Haha, I know that is hard to follow, but thats what I do.
I am writing this not only to vent, but to remind myself to be thankful in every situation. Its not fair for me to act bratty towards others just because I don't get what I want. I still have a lot to learn, but I know one thing... I will build a new family at my wonderful church, and though it may be hard, it will be WELL worth it!
Sorry this blog sort of rambled on and on and on, but I had to get some stuff out there. OH, and FYI the friend who had brain surgery came out of it beautifully today and is already looking better! Praise God for doctors!
Love you all!
J
Sunday, March 21, 2010
March 21, 2010
“The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.” -Eleanor Roosevelt.
I love the quotes of Eleanor Roosevelt, but this one truly hits home today. I have been thinking about the things I have been blessed with. I haven't ever had to worry about where to sleep at night. Never have I had to feel what hunger feels like after a month of little to no food. Not one time have I had to wonder whether or not I would get sick from the water that keeps me alive.
I wake up in the morning only because an alarm clock rudely tells me it is time. In fact, often times I am quite rude right back to it. People in Albania wake up because they sleep lightly for a few hours every night, waiting for time to get up. They cannot rely on an alarm clock, because they cannot know if they will have electricity or not.
I drag myself out of a comfy queen size bed with pretty and slightly expensive and quite warm (thanks to my house's heater)sheets and comforter. Albanians wake up because they have had enough sleep for the night and it is time to work to make sure they have what they need for that day. Their bed, if they have one, is not queen size and definitely is not warm. They are lucky to have slept for the few hours they did even though they were so cold that their shivers occasionally woke them.
I walk to my bathroom and start running water for a HOT shower. If it doesn't get HOT enough for me, I am grumpy the entire day. Albanians wake up, and start to clean their house. They may have running water, but whether or not it is hot will be determined by whether or not the nation's leaders decide to keep the electricity on that day. If they live in a village they may not have running water, and some people do not have ANY water available within miles of their home. How would you like to wake up to that?
I throw on my work uniform and rush out the door with a bottle of water and a protein bar in my hand. Albanians put on some plastic flip flops (you know the kid that little kids wear here??) and if they are a lady they will start to make the day's lunch. This can be quite the task when all you have is beans and your husband demands a meal, but has no money to give you to provide it. If you are a man, you will most likely venture out to the nearest coffee shop to sit around with your buddies and talk. You would love to go to work and provide for your family, and you have even been offered many a good job, but you do not have the $5000 the owner of the company demands you give him before you can start this job. So, you drink coffee.
Are you getting this?
I drive my little Honda Civic to work, and gripe because I have to park it so far from the doors when it is cold outside, and possibly raining. Albanians who live outside the city travel for days on a poorly built wooden carriage being pulled not by horses, but by a single donkey. If it is cold, you deal with it. When it starts raining, you keep going. This is the only way you can get to the city to sell you small gathering of crops so that your baby might be able to have some milk this month, while you and your spouse scrape by on whatever rice is leftover from last month.
I spend 8 hours inside a temperature controlled building doing what could not ever be described as "hard labor" even though it frustrates the crap out of me sometimes. The men of Albania will take any job they can get. This includes going out to the forests during whatever season and helping to bring lumber in for little pay. They stay away from their families for months and even years at a time. But at least they know their kids can eat.
I come home at night to a kitchen FULL of food that I PICKED OUT, and I still complain because I "can't find anything to eat." The Albanians would think they had struck gold if they walked into my kitchen on what I considered to be a "slim week".
I sit at home on my laptop before bed, catching up with old friends that go all the way back to elementary school on Facebook, and I get mad if my internet lags in the slightest. Albanians lost friends, family, grandmas, grandpas, husbands, wives, siblings and children to years of war and half a century of communism. They are still looking for some of them to this day.
I am a little disgusted by myself today. I KNOW that I waste things every day. i don't mean to be a person who manipulates the feelings of others for the greater good of my cause. I just want to ask you, as you go about your week, to try and find ways to be more greatful for what you have. There are people all over the world that would trade places with you in an instant, no questions asked... even on your worst day. Lets strive to remember that the next time we want to complain about our house, or our car... or even our job.
Thanks for reading a piece of my heart today!
J
I love the quotes of Eleanor Roosevelt, but this one truly hits home today. I have been thinking about the things I have been blessed with. I haven't ever had to worry about where to sleep at night. Never have I had to feel what hunger feels like after a month of little to no food. Not one time have I had to wonder whether or not I would get sick from the water that keeps me alive.
I wake up in the morning only because an alarm clock rudely tells me it is time. In fact, often times I am quite rude right back to it. People in Albania wake up because they sleep lightly for a few hours every night, waiting for time to get up. They cannot rely on an alarm clock, because they cannot know if they will have electricity or not.
I drag myself out of a comfy queen size bed with pretty and slightly expensive and quite warm (thanks to my house's heater)sheets and comforter. Albanians wake up because they have had enough sleep for the night and it is time to work to make sure they have what they need for that day. Their bed, if they have one, is not queen size and definitely is not warm. They are lucky to have slept for the few hours they did even though they were so cold that their shivers occasionally woke them.
I walk to my bathroom and start running water for a HOT shower. If it doesn't get HOT enough for me, I am grumpy the entire day. Albanians wake up, and start to clean their house. They may have running water, but whether or not it is hot will be determined by whether or not the nation's leaders decide to keep the electricity on that day. If they live in a village they may not have running water, and some people do not have ANY water available within miles of their home. How would you like to wake up to that?
I throw on my work uniform and rush out the door with a bottle of water and a protein bar in my hand. Albanians put on some plastic flip flops (you know the kid that little kids wear here??) and if they are a lady they will start to make the day's lunch. This can be quite the task when all you have is beans and your husband demands a meal, but has no money to give you to provide it. If you are a man, you will most likely venture out to the nearest coffee shop to sit around with your buddies and talk. You would love to go to work and provide for your family, and you have even been offered many a good job, but you do not have the $5000 the owner of the company demands you give him before you can start this job. So, you drink coffee.
Are you getting this?
I drive my little Honda Civic to work, and gripe because I have to park it so far from the doors when it is cold outside, and possibly raining. Albanians who live outside the city travel for days on a poorly built wooden carriage being pulled not by horses, but by a single donkey. If it is cold, you deal with it. When it starts raining, you keep going. This is the only way you can get to the city to sell you small gathering of crops so that your baby might be able to have some milk this month, while you and your spouse scrape by on whatever rice is leftover from last month.
I spend 8 hours inside a temperature controlled building doing what could not ever be described as "hard labor" even though it frustrates the crap out of me sometimes. The men of Albania will take any job they can get. This includes going out to the forests during whatever season and helping to bring lumber in for little pay. They stay away from their families for months and even years at a time. But at least they know their kids can eat.
I come home at night to a kitchen FULL of food that I PICKED OUT, and I still complain because I "can't find anything to eat." The Albanians would think they had struck gold if they walked into my kitchen on what I considered to be a "slim week".
I sit at home on my laptop before bed, catching up with old friends that go all the way back to elementary school on Facebook, and I get mad if my internet lags in the slightest. Albanians lost friends, family, grandmas, grandpas, husbands, wives, siblings and children to years of war and half a century of communism. They are still looking for some of them to this day.
I am a little disgusted by myself today. I KNOW that I waste things every day. i don't mean to be a person who manipulates the feelings of others for the greater good of my cause. I just want to ask you, as you go about your week, to try and find ways to be more greatful for what you have. There are people all over the world that would trade places with you in an instant, no questions asked... even on your worst day. Lets strive to remember that the next time we want to complain about our house, or our car... or even our job.
Thanks for reading a piece of my heart today!
J
Friday, March 19, 2010
March 19, 2010
Today after leaving the Fort Worth zoo with my nephew, Sebastian, he asked me to turn on the TV. I told him I had no TV in my car. He kindly asked me to just pretend. So, I pretended to turn on the TV. He was apparently channeling his inner news caster, because this is what followed. Sebastian: "Hello everyone. This is the news. We have some terrible news today. The zoo has just closed. The sharks... are fired. The turtles are fired. The monkeys are fired, the lions are fired, the bears are fired, the birds are fired, the kangaroos are fired. Everyone is fired." Me: "Oh no! Everyone got fired..." Sebastian: "Yeah." Me: "Did the TV just answer me?". Sebastian: "No I was answering... uhhhh... my boss."
I had a great day today. I got off work at noon and thus started my weekend a tad bit early. What could be better than that? Making good use of the extra time, I decided to take my nephew to the zoo. I didn't realize it until I got there, but today was the last day of spring break. The zoo was PACKED! I wondered what the traffic was about on I30. I realized as I slowly followed it for 30 minutes or so, that it was ALL going to the zoo. This wouldn't have been so bad had we not gone 2 hours before the zoo closes. I mean, who does that??? I thought only Sebastian I and would be crazy enough to pay full admission for two hours, but I was proven VERY wrong. We couldn't even park close to the zoo, which is fine with me because I don't mind walking, but my 6 year old nephew was not too pleased about it.
Oh well, all in all it was a good time, even if I can't decide which was more interesting: the animals, or the throng of people ACTING like animals. 26,000 people crammed into the zoo is interesting... to say it politely.
I just love spending time with my nieces and nephews. Hanging out with Sebastian made my day today. I love the way he thinks about things. Like today, when I asked him what he wanted to do, he said, "Let's go to San Antonio!". Great. I thought I could take him to do anything he could imagine today. Well, except for the thing he actually imagined. Hmmmm. It still makes me giggle. I love that he can think that big. I hope he never lets that go.
In a few days I will have yet another nephew and I couldn't be more excited. I am truly blessed.
Sorry for not blogging for NINE days straight. Arrrghh. I'm such an evening/night person. It seems like that is when my creative mind works the best. However, working mornings does take a toll on my blogging. It seems that ever since I have been working LONG early days, all I have done is come home and crash. I guess I can't blog at my best if all I am doing is sleeping during my most creative time. Hopefully I can figure out a better way soon, but until then, keep your eyes peeled for the next one cause who knows WHEN it will be. =)
I hope you can all enjoy your family this weekend as much as I already have. See you soon.
I had a great day today. I got off work at noon and thus started my weekend a tad bit early. What could be better than that? Making good use of the extra time, I decided to take my nephew to the zoo. I didn't realize it until I got there, but today was the last day of spring break. The zoo was PACKED! I wondered what the traffic was about on I30. I realized as I slowly followed it for 30 minutes or so, that it was ALL going to the zoo. This wouldn't have been so bad had we not gone 2 hours before the zoo closes. I mean, who does that??? I thought only Sebastian I and would be crazy enough to pay full admission for two hours, but I was proven VERY wrong. We couldn't even park close to the zoo, which is fine with me because I don't mind walking, but my 6 year old nephew was not too pleased about it.
Oh well, all in all it was a good time, even if I can't decide which was more interesting: the animals, or the throng of people ACTING like animals. 26,000 people crammed into the zoo is interesting... to say it politely.
I just love spending time with my nieces and nephews. Hanging out with Sebastian made my day today. I love the way he thinks about things. Like today, when I asked him what he wanted to do, he said, "Let's go to San Antonio!". Great. I thought I could take him to do anything he could imagine today. Well, except for the thing he actually imagined. Hmmmm. It still makes me giggle. I love that he can think that big. I hope he never lets that go.
In a few days I will have yet another nephew and I couldn't be more excited. I am truly blessed.
Sorry for not blogging for NINE days straight. Arrrghh. I'm such an evening/night person. It seems like that is when my creative mind works the best. However, working mornings does take a toll on my blogging. It seems that ever since I have been working LONG early days, all I have done is come home and crash. I guess I can't blog at my best if all I am doing is sleeping during my most creative time. Hopefully I can figure out a better way soon, but until then, keep your eyes peeled for the next one cause who knows WHEN it will be. =)
I hope you can all enjoy your family this weekend as much as I already have. See you soon.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
March 10, 2010
Have you ever learned how to spell a word and used a weird way to remember it? For example, Wed Nes Day. That's how I remember (even to this day regrettably) how to spell this day of the week.
Wednesday is always a good day for me, so it seems. At least I can know it will always end well. Surprisingly enough today was a good day at work. I think it was the first good day I have had in a long time, possible even the first tear free day.
I seem to be on the up-track, which excites me. Only when you feel like you have fallen to the very bottom can you look around and realize that the only step you can take next is up. My finances are being forced back into shape after a meltdown of catastrophic proportions, my car is working again (YEAAAHHHH!!) and my job is ok today. What more could I ask for right?
Wrong. I realized tonight, as I sat in youth service looking at the back of the eight precious heads that I brought with me, that life is about so much more than we ever really grasp at any given time. Life is about people, and how you treat them. Life is about integrity and how you use it. Life is about God and how you share Him. Life is beautiful, if you will just let it be.
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in everything that is going on around me, that I miss the things that really matter as the buzz quickly past me day by day, week by week, year by year. I want to encourage you to slow down and figure out what kind of person you really want to be remembered as.
I have a tattoo on each of my wrists. On the right it says "Hope" and on the left "Shprese" (which is hope in Albanian). Last year I had been aching to get another tattoo, but I couldn't figure out what I wanted and where I would put it. One day as I was going through the motions of life, I asked myself the very question, "Julie, what kind of person do you want to be every day?" My answer? I want my hands to bring hope every time they reach out... thus the idea for the tats.
I don't know how you feel about tattoos and frankly I don't care, but I do want you to hear the message behind all of this. Find out what matters to you. Find out what fulfills you, and you will find your calling. Chase it every day in every way. Don't push people aside to get where you're going, but instead take your time and enjoy the view. Meet people, fellowship with people, LEARN people. You won't be sorry you did.
Well, I guess that's really all I have for tonight, but please know that it came from a very special place in my heart. I love each and every one of you, and I want to see something great happen in your life.
Wednesday is always a good day for me, so it seems. At least I can know it will always end well. Surprisingly enough today was a good day at work. I think it was the first good day I have had in a long time, possible even the first tear free day.
I seem to be on the up-track, which excites me. Only when you feel like you have fallen to the very bottom can you look around and realize that the only step you can take next is up. My finances are being forced back into shape after a meltdown of catastrophic proportions, my car is working again (YEAAAHHHH!!) and my job is ok today. What more could I ask for right?
Wrong. I realized tonight, as I sat in youth service looking at the back of the eight precious heads that I brought with me, that life is about so much more than we ever really grasp at any given time. Life is about people, and how you treat them. Life is about integrity and how you use it. Life is about God and how you share Him. Life is beautiful, if you will just let it be.
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in everything that is going on around me, that I miss the things that really matter as the buzz quickly past me day by day, week by week, year by year. I want to encourage you to slow down and figure out what kind of person you really want to be remembered as.
I have a tattoo on each of my wrists. On the right it says "Hope" and on the left "Shprese" (which is hope in Albanian). Last year I had been aching to get another tattoo, but I couldn't figure out what I wanted and where I would put it. One day as I was going through the motions of life, I asked myself the very question, "Julie, what kind of person do you want to be every day?" My answer? I want my hands to bring hope every time they reach out... thus the idea for the tats.
I don't know how you feel about tattoos and frankly I don't care, but I do want you to hear the message behind all of this. Find out what matters to you. Find out what fulfills you, and you will find your calling. Chase it every day in every way. Don't push people aside to get where you're going, but instead take your time and enjoy the view. Meet people, fellowship with people, LEARN people. You won't be sorry you did.
Well, I guess that's really all I have for tonight, but please know that it came from a very special place in my heart. I love each and every one of you, and I want to see something great happen in your life.
Friday, March 5, 2010
March 5, 2010
Tonight has been one of the most challenging nights of my life. As I sat here thinking about it, I realized that tonight I would like to try and write an encouraging blog, looking at the bright side of life. If I can do it tonight, then I know I can do it any time. So, here we go:
A long time ago, in what seems like another lifetime, I was very very active in a church. I was also on staff, and that may have been the worst decision I ever made in my life. Don't get me wrong, I was totally enthralled with my job and I loved every little bit of it. I was one staff as the Media Director for the church, and I also volunteered as the Missions Director and as Assistant Youth Pastor.
At this time in my life, I met a great group of people, whom I will never forget... especially the youth. Our group was filled with kids from all backgrounds and every kind of family (or lack thereof). I think God really built up a great thing inside of me, as I grew to love fellowshipping with and helping the kids through life and its ups and downs. I saw the kids grow up in God and get excited about their future. I even worked extra hours every day of several weeks one summer to help the kids put on a car wash to pay their way to camp. We took 22 kids to youth camp that year, 100% paid for. Things were GREAT. And then it happened.
I will spare you some of the gritty details and just say that I was released from my job and the church ended up changing leadership and names, which to me meant that the church I knew pretty much just shut down. I tried to attend the knew church with the new name and the new leadership, but I had way too much hurt in my heart just being in that building. I moved on to a new church and to the beginning of a one year journey that would be different than I could have ever imagined.
It started out with a deep deep depression of sorts. I felt as if I had let my youth down by leaving the church, but I was so confused and torn because I KNEW it was what God had been leading me to do. I immediately got involved in another church, working the sound for Wed night services. It was a great opportunity for me to move on, but it also brought up too much hurt in me and I stepped down from the position about a month later. I also left the church, because I was so embarrassed by the fact that I couldn't cut it volunteering there due to my emotional distress. After that I spent a good 8 months or so just searching for the right church. I even spent a month or so at one, but I just couldn't seem to find that feeling of being in the right place. I was always on edge.
Eventually I came back to the church where I once worked the Wed night sound, and I apologized for leaving so abruptly. I was so blessed and felt so lucky to be accepted back into the church immediately. I am still at that church to this day, and I feel like family.
After coming back I started to wonder what happened to all my youth. I had heard that the old church didn't have youth meetings anymore, and I wondered where they had all ended up. To make a very long story not quite as long, I was able to call them (or text them) and get a hold of almost ten of them. This group now regularly attends church with me again at this new church and I go out of my way to pick them up and bring them every Sun/Wed that they are willing to come. I have broken down TWO cars and been more challenged than ever since I started doing this, but I know I am doing the right thing and I am excited to see these kids excited about God and life again. They got into my car the other night and even though they usually listen to whatever is on the local radio, the grabbed my iPod and instead turned on some worship songs and praised God the whole way home. I think we have reached a higher level.
I believe that if we invest into the people around us, and REFUSE to give up on them, then they will never let us down. I see huge potential in each and every one of these youth, and regardless of what I may want to do, I will never let them down. I once had a youth pastor take me out ministering in our community. When we were done, he looked at me and my friend and said, "WOW! You guys are great at this. I see God in your lives!". These words changed my life forever. Its funny what one positive comment can do in the life of a kid. I was twelve at the time, and even though this youth pastor now lives far away (Indiana) I will never forget the impact he made on me. Just think of what we can do if we will just refuse to give up on one another. Without people like my youth pastor, I would have been a very lost kid in a very, very bad situation. Instead I was a God led child in the middle of all of life's craziness, and instead of letting it change me, I have changed my life through God, and no one will ever take that away.
A long time ago, in what seems like another lifetime, I was very very active in a church. I was also on staff, and that may have been the worst decision I ever made in my life. Don't get me wrong, I was totally enthralled with my job and I loved every little bit of it. I was one staff as the Media Director for the church, and I also volunteered as the Missions Director and as Assistant Youth Pastor.
At this time in my life, I met a great group of people, whom I will never forget... especially the youth. Our group was filled with kids from all backgrounds and every kind of family (or lack thereof). I think God really built up a great thing inside of me, as I grew to love fellowshipping with and helping the kids through life and its ups and downs. I saw the kids grow up in God and get excited about their future. I even worked extra hours every day of several weeks one summer to help the kids put on a car wash to pay their way to camp. We took 22 kids to youth camp that year, 100% paid for. Things were GREAT. And then it happened.
I will spare you some of the gritty details and just say that I was released from my job and the church ended up changing leadership and names, which to me meant that the church I knew pretty much just shut down. I tried to attend the knew church with the new name and the new leadership, but I had way too much hurt in my heart just being in that building. I moved on to a new church and to the beginning of a one year journey that would be different than I could have ever imagined.
It started out with a deep deep depression of sorts. I felt as if I had let my youth down by leaving the church, but I was so confused and torn because I KNEW it was what God had been leading me to do. I immediately got involved in another church, working the sound for Wed night services. It was a great opportunity for me to move on, but it also brought up too much hurt in me and I stepped down from the position about a month later. I also left the church, because I was so embarrassed by the fact that I couldn't cut it volunteering there due to my emotional distress. After that I spent a good 8 months or so just searching for the right church. I even spent a month or so at one, but I just couldn't seem to find that feeling of being in the right place. I was always on edge.
Eventually I came back to the church where I once worked the Wed night sound, and I apologized for leaving so abruptly. I was so blessed and felt so lucky to be accepted back into the church immediately. I am still at that church to this day, and I feel like family.
After coming back I started to wonder what happened to all my youth. I had heard that the old church didn't have youth meetings anymore, and I wondered where they had all ended up. To make a very long story not quite as long, I was able to call them (or text them) and get a hold of almost ten of them. This group now regularly attends church with me again at this new church and I go out of my way to pick them up and bring them every Sun/Wed that they are willing to come. I have broken down TWO cars and been more challenged than ever since I started doing this, but I know I am doing the right thing and I am excited to see these kids excited about God and life again. They got into my car the other night and even though they usually listen to whatever is on the local radio, the grabbed my iPod and instead turned on some worship songs and praised God the whole way home. I think we have reached a higher level.
I believe that if we invest into the people around us, and REFUSE to give up on them, then they will never let us down. I see huge potential in each and every one of these youth, and regardless of what I may want to do, I will never let them down. I once had a youth pastor take me out ministering in our community. When we were done, he looked at me and my friend and said, "WOW! You guys are great at this. I see God in your lives!". These words changed my life forever. Its funny what one positive comment can do in the life of a kid. I was twelve at the time, and even though this youth pastor now lives far away (Indiana) I will never forget the impact he made on me. Just think of what we can do if we will just refuse to give up on one another. Without people like my youth pastor, I would have been a very lost kid in a very, very bad situation. Instead I was a God led child in the middle of all of life's craziness, and instead of letting it change me, I have changed my life through God, and no one will ever take that away.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
March 3, 2010
"I took the English TAKS test today at school. It was the most easiest test I ever took." These words actually came out the mouth of one of my youth today. Maybe we need to reevaluate our education system.
Ok, on another note, church really got me thinking tonight. It got deep inside of me, even made me think about things that weren't even mentioned or referred to. For example, the snake is one of the only animals I can think of that doesn't have a voice. It may make a noise, but it doesn't use a voice to do that. I wonder how a baby snake cries?
This made me think about the story of Adam and Even, when Satan appeared to tempt them to disobey God. When he has succeeded in his evil mission, God cursed him to crawl the ground in the form of a snake forever. This means he gave the devil a body with no voice on this earth.
Today while I was working, God spoke to me "I've got this all worked out already. Just you wait and see.". I thought that it was just an encouraging word, but it became truth to me as my day went on and presented me with more challenges in several areas than I could have expected.
I think that God had it "all worked out" even at that very moment in the garden when he cursed the snake. I think that His plan for salvation was already complete at that moment. Think about it. He took the voice of Satan off this earth millenniums before He sent Jesus. Why? Because He already knew the whole plan. He already had it all worked out.
God knew from that moment (and even before) that the plan would be salvation through Jesus. He knew it would all work out if we would trust Him. Sometimes I feel that I, as a human, can be sooo stupid. I mean I get upset and worry about little things that happen in my life, which is nothing more than a small "poof" in the span of time anyway. I worry about things, when deep inside I KNOW He hold my life in His hands. I KNOW He holds the world in His hands. I could go on: He holds the planets, the universe, the governments, time... etc.
As humans, we have spent ALL OF TIME worrying. The whole old testament speaks of the salvation that WILL come. If they had been completely convinced that God was Who He is, then they would have known that God already had it all worked out. Even now when we KNOW salvation has already come, and we KNOW it is freely available to us, we worry about what will happen next or what is happening right now.
My point? God is too big for our minds to ever encompass. That's why we fall to our knees in worship. Will I ever have it all together? Will I EVER be able to overcome my problems before they overwhelm me? Probably not. But, I will always continue to fall on my knees in worship and I will continue to tell the world about Him, through my life and through words. What more could I do? Well, I'm not going to worry about that. =)
Ok, on another note, church really got me thinking tonight. It got deep inside of me, even made me think about things that weren't even mentioned or referred to. For example, the snake is one of the only animals I can think of that doesn't have a voice. It may make a noise, but it doesn't use a voice to do that. I wonder how a baby snake cries?
This made me think about the story of Adam and Even, when Satan appeared to tempt them to disobey God. When he has succeeded in his evil mission, God cursed him to crawl the ground in the form of a snake forever. This means he gave the devil a body with no voice on this earth.
Today while I was working, God spoke to me "I've got this all worked out already. Just you wait and see.". I thought that it was just an encouraging word, but it became truth to me as my day went on and presented me with more challenges in several areas than I could have expected.
I think that God had it "all worked out" even at that very moment in the garden when he cursed the snake. I think that His plan for salvation was already complete at that moment. Think about it. He took the voice of Satan off this earth millenniums before He sent Jesus. Why? Because He already knew the whole plan. He already had it all worked out.
God knew from that moment (and even before) that the plan would be salvation through Jesus. He knew it would all work out if we would trust Him. Sometimes I feel that I, as a human, can be sooo stupid. I mean I get upset and worry about little things that happen in my life, which is nothing more than a small "poof" in the span of time anyway. I worry about things, when deep inside I KNOW He hold my life in His hands. I KNOW He holds the world in His hands. I could go on: He holds the planets, the universe, the governments, time... etc.
As humans, we have spent ALL OF TIME worrying. The whole old testament speaks of the salvation that WILL come. If they had been completely convinced that God was Who He is, then they would have known that God already had it all worked out. Even now when we KNOW salvation has already come, and we KNOW it is freely available to us, we worry about what will happen next or what is happening right now.
My point? God is too big for our minds to ever encompass. That's why we fall to our knees in worship. Will I ever have it all together? Will I EVER be able to overcome my problems before they overwhelm me? Probably not. But, I will always continue to fall on my knees in worship and I will continue to tell the world about Him, through my life and through words. What more could I do? Well, I'm not going to worry about that. =)
Sunday, February 28, 2010
February 28, 2010
I think I felt compelled to post something today because its Feb 28th. I always find this day a little strange. What kind of a month has 28 days anyway? What a lazy month. Can't even last 30 days... sheesh.
If you think I sound a little crazy today, you're probably spot on. I have been SO SICK. I am in sooo much pain an dI have been on the loopy kind of pain meds and that doesn't even help, so I'm just a little crazy and still in pain. Fun fun. I would go to the doctor, but I think that I will wait to see how work goes tomorrow and if I start to feel better or not.
On another note, today at church we sang the most dreaded song on earth, "I Can Only Imagine", by Mercy Me. I mean, why would you purposely play a funeral song at church? This song has been played at every single one of the way too many tragic death funerals I have been to, and I really don't want to have to hear it on a random Sunday morning, especially when I am already grumpy cause I don't feel good.
Don't get me wrong, they can play whatever they want, but this is my blog and I can say what I want about it too =). I guess from now on if they play it I will just have to step out or get over it. I love my church and I would hate to have something like a song hinder that. So I guess that means, GET OVER IT, Julie.
Well, I guess I am gonna go now. This is a short and pointless blog, but at least I have said whats on my mind today. Hope you have a great week!
If you think I sound a little crazy today, you're probably spot on. I have been SO SICK. I am in sooo much pain an dI have been on the loopy kind of pain meds and that doesn't even help, so I'm just a little crazy and still in pain. Fun fun. I would go to the doctor, but I think that I will wait to see how work goes tomorrow and if I start to feel better or not.
On another note, today at church we sang the most dreaded song on earth, "I Can Only Imagine", by Mercy Me. I mean, why would you purposely play a funeral song at church? This song has been played at every single one of the way too many tragic death funerals I have been to, and I really don't want to have to hear it on a random Sunday morning, especially when I am already grumpy cause I don't feel good.
Don't get me wrong, they can play whatever they want, but this is my blog and I can say what I want about it too =). I guess from now on if they play it I will just have to step out or get over it. I love my church and I would hate to have something like a song hinder that. So I guess that means, GET OVER IT, Julie.
Well, I guess I am gonna go now. This is a short and pointless blog, but at least I have said whats on my mind today. Hope you have a great week!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
February 25, 2010
This week has been a roller coaster. First of all work is absolutely absurd, as I am working overnight trying to get a lot of things done. Never before in my life have I felt like I might fall asleep even as I am walking around. It has been quite the experience, but at least I am getting valuable work done... I hope.
My childhood best friend flew in from an Iraqi deployment, and was supposed to be here till Sunday. I was banking on working overtime overnight, and then having a three day weekend to spend with her. It turns out (due to some family issues) that she is now leaving tomorrow, and I will have a lonely three day weekend. This makes me want to cry. I love this girl and she did everything to serve our country and make a life for herself. Now, who knows when I will get to see her again. This is when life really bites.
The thing I love the most about life is friends and relationships I have built. The only thing I value and cherish on a higher level than that is my walk with the Lord. Its funny how one of the best things in life (friends) can also be the thing that hurts the most. I guess I will just have to keep my head up and hope that she will be able to make amends with her family and will want to come visit again sometime in the next few years. Either way, I must say: I love you Irna, you have always been my bestie (ever since we would mow lawns and cuss each other out over it lol) and now all I want is to see you happy. So do what makes you happy. Thank you for serving our country, thank you for being a role model to me in life, and above all else, thanks for singing Shout To The Lord with me in Sack and Save. ;)
My childhood best friend flew in from an Iraqi deployment, and was supposed to be here till Sunday. I was banking on working overtime overnight, and then having a three day weekend to spend with her. It turns out (due to some family issues) that she is now leaving tomorrow, and I will have a lonely three day weekend. This makes me want to cry. I love this girl and she did everything to serve our country and make a life for herself. Now, who knows when I will get to see her again. This is when life really bites.
The thing I love the most about life is friends and relationships I have built. The only thing I value and cherish on a higher level than that is my walk with the Lord. Its funny how one of the best things in life (friends) can also be the thing that hurts the most. I guess I will just have to keep my head up and hope that she will be able to make amends with her family and will want to come visit again sometime in the next few years. Either way, I must say: I love you Irna, you have always been my bestie (ever since we would mow lawns and cuss each other out over it lol) and now all I want is to see you happy. So do what makes you happy. Thank you for serving our country, thank you for being a role model to me in life, and above all else, thanks for singing Shout To The Lord with me in Sack and Save. ;)
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