March 21, 2010

“The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.” -Eleanor Roosevelt.

I love the quotes of Eleanor Roosevelt, but this one truly hits home today. I have been thinking about the things I have been blessed with. I haven't ever had to worry about where to sleep at night. Never have I had to feel what hunger feels like after a month of little to no food. Not one time have I had to wonder whether or not I would get sick from the water that keeps me alive.

I wake up in the morning only because an alarm clock rudely tells me it is time. In fact, often times I am quite rude right back to it. People in Albania wake up because they sleep lightly for a few hours every night, waiting for time to get up. They cannot rely on an alarm clock, because they cannot know if they will have electricity or not.

I drag myself out of a comfy queen size bed with pretty and slightly expensive and quite warm (thanks to my house's heater)sheets and comforter. Albanians wake up because they have had enough sleep for the night and it is time to work to make sure they have what they need for that day. Their bed, if they have one, is not queen size and definitely is not warm. They are lucky to have slept for the few hours they did even though they were so cold that their shivers occasionally woke them.

I walk to my bathroom and start running water for a HOT shower. If it doesn't get HOT enough for me, I am grumpy the entire day. Albanians wake up, and start to clean their house. They may have running water, but whether or not it is hot will be determined by whether or not the nation's leaders decide to keep the electricity on that day. If they live in a village they may not have running water, and some people do not have ANY water available within miles of their home. How would you like to wake up to that?

I throw on my work uniform and rush out the door with a bottle of water and a protein bar in my hand. Albanians put on some plastic flip flops (you know the kid that little kids wear here??) and if they are a lady they will start to make the day's lunch. This can be quite the task when all you have is beans and your husband demands a meal, but has no money to give you to provide it. If you are a man, you will most likely venture out to the nearest coffee shop to sit around with your buddies and talk. You would love to go to work and provide for your family, and you have even been offered many a good job, but you do not have the $5000 the owner of the company demands you give him before you can start this job. So, you drink coffee.

Are you getting this?

I drive my little Honda Civic to work, and gripe because I have to park it so far from the doors when it is cold outside, and possibly raining. Albanians who live outside the city travel for days on a poorly built wooden carriage being pulled not by horses, but by a single donkey. If it is cold, you deal with it. When it starts raining, you keep going. This is the only way you can get to the city to sell you small gathering of crops so that your baby might be able to have some milk this month, while you and your spouse scrape by on whatever rice is leftover from last month.

I spend 8 hours inside a temperature controlled building doing what could not ever be described as "hard labor" even though it frustrates the crap out of me sometimes. The men of Albania will take any job they can get. This includes going out to the forests during whatever season and helping to bring lumber in for little pay. They stay away from their families for months and even years at a time. But at least they know their kids can eat.

I come home at night to a kitchen FULL of food that I PICKED OUT, and I still complain because I "can't find anything to eat." The Albanians would think they had struck gold if they walked into my kitchen on what I considered to be a "slim week".

I sit at home on my laptop before bed, catching up with old friends that go all the way back to elementary school on Facebook, and I get mad if my internet lags in the slightest. Albanians lost friends, family, grandmas, grandpas, husbands, wives, siblings and children to years of war and half a century of communism. They are still looking for some of them to this day.

I am a little disgusted by myself today. I KNOW that I waste things every day. i don't mean to be a person who manipulates the feelings of others for the greater good of my cause. I just want to ask you, as you go about your week, to try and find ways to be more greatful for what you have. There are people all over the world that would trade places with you in an instant, no questions asked... even on your worst day. Lets strive to remember that the next time we want to complain about our house, or our car... or even our job.

Thanks for reading a piece of my heart today!

J

March 19, 2010

Today after leaving the Fort Worth zoo with my nephew, Sebastian, he asked me to turn on the TV. I told him I had no TV in my car. He kindly asked me to just pretend. So, I pretended to turn on the TV. He was apparently channeling his inner news caster, because this is what followed. Sebastian: "Hello everyone. This is the news. We have some terrible news today. The zoo has just closed. The sharks... are fired. The turtles are fired. The monkeys are fired, the lions are fired, the bears are fired, the birds are fired, the kangaroos are fired. Everyone is fired." Me: "Oh no! Everyone got fired..." Sebastian: "Yeah." Me: "Did the TV just answer me?". Sebastian: "No I was answering... uhhhh... my boss."

I had a great day today. I got off work at noon and thus started my weekend a tad bit early. What could be better than that? Making good use of the extra time, I decided to take my nephew to the zoo. I didn't realize it until I got there, but today was the last day of spring break. The zoo was PACKED! I wondered what the traffic was about on I30. I realized as I slowly followed it for 30 minutes or so, that it was ALL going to the zoo. This wouldn't have been so bad had we not gone 2 hours before the zoo closes. I mean, who does that??? I thought only Sebastian I and would be crazy enough to pay full admission for two hours, but I was proven VERY wrong. We couldn't even park close to the zoo, which is fine with me because I don't mind walking, but my 6 year old nephew was not too pleased about it.

Oh well, all in all it was a good time, even if I can't decide which was more interesting: the animals, or the throng of people ACTING like animals. 26,000 people crammed into the zoo is interesting... to say it politely.

I just love spending time with my nieces and nephews. Hanging out with Sebastian made my day today. I love the way he thinks about things. Like today, when I asked him what he wanted to do, he said, "Let's go to San Antonio!". Great. I thought I could take him to do anything he could imagine today. Well, except for the thing he actually imagined. Hmmmm. It still makes me giggle. I love that he can think that big. I hope he never lets that go.

In a few days I will have yet another nephew and I couldn't be more excited. I am truly blessed.

Sorry for not blogging for NINE days straight. Arrrghh. I'm such an evening/night person. It seems like that is when my creative mind works the best. However, working mornings does take a toll on my blogging. It seems that ever since I have been working LONG early days, all I have done is come home and crash. I guess I can't blog at my best if all I am doing is sleeping during my most creative time. Hopefully I can figure out a better way soon, but until then, keep your eyes peeled for the next one cause who knows WHEN it will be. =)

I hope you can all enjoy your family this weekend as much as I already have. See you soon.

March 10, 2010

Have you ever learned how to spell a word and used a weird way to remember it? For example, Wed Nes Day. That's how I remember (even to this day regrettably) how to spell this day of the week.

Wednesday is always a good day for me, so it seems. At least I can know it will always end well. Surprisingly enough today was a good day at work. I think it was the first good day I have had in a long time, possible even the first tear free day.

I seem to be on the up-track, which excites me. Only when you feel like you have fallen to the very bottom can you look around and realize that the only step you can take next is up. My finances are being forced back into shape after a meltdown of catastrophic proportions, my car is working again (YEAAAHHHH!!) and my job is ok today. What more could I ask for right?

Wrong. I realized tonight, as I sat in youth service looking at the back of the eight precious heads that I brought with me, that life is about so much more than we ever really grasp at any given time. Life is about people, and how you treat them. Life is about integrity and how you use it. Life is about God and how you share Him. Life is beautiful, if you will just let it be.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in everything that is going on around me, that I miss the things that really matter as the buzz quickly past me day by day, week by week, year by year. I want to encourage you to slow down and figure out what kind of person you really want to be remembered as.

I have a tattoo on each of my wrists. On the right it says "Hope" and on the left "Shprese" (which is hope in Albanian). Last year I had been aching to get another tattoo, but I couldn't figure out what I wanted and where I would put it. One day as I was going through the motions of life, I asked myself the very question, "Julie, what kind of person do you want to be every day?" My answer? I want my hands to bring hope every time they reach out... thus the idea for the tats.

I don't know how you feel about tattoos and frankly I don't care, but I do want you to hear the message behind all of this. Find out what matters to you. Find out what fulfills you, and you will find your calling. Chase it every day in every way. Don't push people aside to get where you're going, but instead take your time and enjoy the view. Meet people, fellowship with people, LEARN people. You won't be sorry you did.

Well, I guess that's really all I have for tonight, but please know that it came from a very special place in my heart. I love each and every one of you, and I want to see something great happen in your life.

March 5, 2010

Tonight has been one of the most challenging nights of my life. As I sat here thinking about it, I realized that tonight I would like to try and write an encouraging blog, looking at the bright side of life. If I can do it tonight, then I know I can do it any time. So, here we go:

A long time ago, in what seems like another lifetime, I was very very active in a church. I was also on staff, and that may have been the worst decision I ever made in my life. Don't get me wrong, I was totally enthralled with my job and I loved every little bit of it. I was one staff as the Media Director for the church, and I also volunteered as the Missions Director and as Assistant Youth Pastor.

At this time in my life, I met a great group of people, whom I will never forget... especially the youth. Our group was filled with kids from all backgrounds and every kind of family (or lack thereof). I think God really built up a great thing inside of me, as I grew to love fellowshipping with and helping the kids through life and its ups and downs. I saw the kids grow up in God and get excited about their future. I even worked extra hours every day of several weeks one summer to help the kids put on a car wash to pay their way to camp. We took 22 kids to youth camp that year, 100% paid for. Things were GREAT. And then it happened.

I will spare you some of the gritty details and just say that I was released from my job and the church ended up changing leadership and names, which to me meant that the church I knew pretty much just shut down. I tried to attend the knew church with the new name and the new leadership, but I had way too much hurt in my heart just being in that building. I moved on to a new church and to the beginning of a one year journey that would be different than I could have ever imagined.

It started out with a deep deep depression of sorts. I felt as if I had let my youth down by leaving the church, but I was so confused and torn because I KNEW it was what God had been leading me to do. I immediately got involved in another church, working the sound for Wed night services. It was a great opportunity for me to move on, but it also brought up too much hurt in me and I stepped down from the position about a month later. I also left the church, because I was so embarrassed by the fact that I couldn't cut it volunteering there due to my emotional distress. After that I spent a good 8 months or so just searching for the right church. I even spent a month or so at one, but I just couldn't seem to find that feeling of being in the right place. I was always on edge.

Eventually I came back to the church where I once worked the Wed night sound, and I apologized for leaving so abruptly. I was so blessed and felt so lucky to be accepted back into the church immediately. I am still at that church to this day, and I feel like family.

After coming back I started to wonder what happened to all my youth. I had heard that the old church didn't have youth meetings anymore, and I wondered where they had all ended up. To make a very long story not quite as long, I was able to call them (or text them) and get a hold of almost ten of them. This group now regularly attends church with me again at this new church and I go out of my way to pick them up and bring them every Sun/Wed that they are willing to come. I have broken down TWO cars and been more challenged than ever since I started doing this, but I know I am doing the right thing and I am excited to see these kids excited about God and life again. They got into my car the other night and even though they usually listen to whatever is on the local radio, the grabbed my iPod and instead turned on some worship songs and praised God the whole way home. I think we have reached a higher level.

I believe that if we invest into the people around us, and REFUSE to give up on them, then they will never let us down. I see huge potential in each and every one of these youth, and regardless of what I may want to do, I will never let them down. I once had a youth pastor take me out ministering in our community. When we were done, he looked at me and my friend and said, "WOW! You guys are great at this. I see God in your lives!". These words changed my life forever. Its funny what one positive comment can do in the life of a kid. I was twelve at the time, and even though this youth pastor now lives far away (Indiana) I will never forget the impact he made on me. Just think of what we can do if we will just refuse to give up on one another. Without people like my youth pastor, I would have been a very lost kid in a very, very bad situation. Instead I was a God led child in the middle of all of life's craziness, and instead of letting it change me, I have changed my life through God, and no one will ever take that away.

March 3, 2010

"I took the English TAKS test today at school. It was the most easiest test I ever took." These words actually came out the mouth of one of my youth today. Maybe we need to reevaluate our education system.

Ok, on another note, church really got me thinking tonight. It got deep inside of me, even made me think about things that weren't even mentioned or referred to. For example, the snake is one of the only animals I can think of that doesn't have a voice. It may make a noise, but it doesn't use a voice to do that. I wonder how a baby snake cries?

This made me think about the story of Adam and Even, when Satan appeared to tempt them to disobey God. When he has succeeded in his evil mission, God cursed him to crawl the ground in the form of a snake forever. This means he gave the devil a body with no voice on this earth.

Today while I was working, God spoke to me "I've got this all worked out already. Just you wait and see.". I thought that it was just an encouraging word, but it became truth to me as my day went on and presented me with more challenges in several areas than I could have expected.

I think that God had it "all worked out" even at that very moment in the garden when he cursed the snake. I think that His plan for salvation was already complete at that moment. Think about it. He took the voice of Satan off this earth millenniums before He sent Jesus. Why? Because He already knew the whole plan. He already had it all worked out.

God knew from that moment (and even before) that the plan would be salvation through Jesus. He knew it would all work out if we would trust Him. Sometimes I feel that I, as a human, can be sooo stupid. I mean I get upset and worry about little things that happen in my life, which is nothing more than a small "poof" in the span of time anyway. I worry about things, when deep inside I KNOW He hold my life in His hands. I KNOW He holds the world in His hands. I could go on: He holds the planets, the universe, the governments, time... etc.

As humans, we have spent ALL OF TIME worrying. The whole old testament speaks of the salvation that WILL come. If they had been completely convinced that God was Who He is, then they would have known that God already had it all worked out. Even now when we KNOW salvation has already come, and we KNOW it is freely available to us, we worry about what will happen next or what is happening right now.

My point? God is too big for our minds to ever encompass. That's why we fall to our knees in worship. Will I ever have it all together? Will I EVER be able to overcome my problems before they overwhelm me? Probably not. But, I will always continue to fall on my knees in worship and I will continue to tell the world about Him, through my life and through words. What more could I do? Well, I'm not going to worry about that. =)